lifetothefullest | [IC Inbox]

[It's a good thing this is text, because that means he can be as evasive as he wants to be even more easily than usual if he chooses to be. But he decides to go ahead and answer for now, unsure if Rosen's found something out or is just fishing.]

Yes, shortly after the post. Why?

[I wanted to be sure you didn't do something stupid]

How did it go?

[Urgh, great, how to respond to this... Don't mind the short delay that clearly means nothing.]

Not as well as I had hoped, but it could've been worse.

[He utterly failed to get Maketh to listen to him and had to call Henry instead, but no one died so hey, could've totally been worse.]

[Well the simple fact that you can still text is reassuring, Lance]

Can you be more specific?

[The first thing that comes is mind is to say 'sure, I could' and then not do so, but that's childish and Rosen is just trying to help. So instead there's another short delay, but he replies with an extremely condensed version.]

I tried to convince her not to immediately attempt to take revenge, because that's sure what Sato wants and is expecting. She didn't listen to me, so I called her friend Henry to speak with her instead.

Alright. And at any point did you feel unsafe?

[Rosen's priority is NOT what happens to Sato or even what happens with Maketh.]

[Well now he has the distinct feeling this is about checking up on him, which he partially appreciates and partially finds very annoying.]

There were some tense moments.

[Noncommittal answers are the best answers.]

[Lee will take that as a yes and he'll respect the sign that he's starting to smother. Why do you think he led in with a joke, Lance? He was trying to throw you off your guard]

What is your view of the situation. Do you think she will take any aggressive action?

[He's glad for the shift in focus, even though he can't give a particularly definitive answer.]

Eventually, yes, she probably will. For the immediate future, hopefully not.

But the situation will continue to escalate, even if it's slow, until it's resolved in some way.

What would you want to see happen?

In reference to Sato.

[This is much too difficult a question to answer when he hasn't dragged himself out of bed for the day yet.]

Ideally? Figure out some way to redirect his attention onto something more harmless that still fulfills whatever needs are motivating him.

[But that's probably not a realistic goal or outcome.]

[Unfortunately for you, Lance, Rosen's been up for hours]

No punishment?

The point of consequences is to prevent future repetition of a harmful action through negative reinforcement.

[So if they could skip right to just making sure nothing like this would happen again, then he'll take it.]

So you see no place for penalty given the simple fact that what in most worlds would be considered a crime has been committed.

[He doesn't particularly like how that comes across, but maybe it's more that text is toneless than any true sentiment behind it and so he tries not to be defensive about feeling judged.]

If there was something practical and not egregiously inhumane, then sure, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

[At least not in dealing with Sato, who he doubts would go along with some sort of community service or something, and there's no prison here let alone one that could likely hold him safely.]

Thats a good point.

[It is less that Rosen is judging Lance, and more that he is trying to use him as a sound board for himself. Its been several days since this all happened and yet still he can't seem to get himself to feel anything about it.]

Can I ask you a favor?

Edited (forgot this was text for a second ) 2017-05-22 18:26 (UTC)

[He probably wouldn't be as defensive about it if he hadn't already had a similar conversation with Marian a few weeks earlier, but Rosen's response is enough to calm him anyway.

Though he isn't expecting the last part, and so just shifts to being concerned instead.]

Of course; what is it?

Can I please refer my psych patients to you for a while?

I don't have any regulars at the moment for counseling so hopefully it wouldn't add too much to your load.

[Right now he really only feels adequately equipped to handle the clinic. Patch jobs.]

Edited 2017-05-22 18:35 (UTC)

[Alright, now he's really worried, so there's a brief delay while he finds a sweater to pull on over his teeshirt so it's not as obvious he was still in bed, and he moves to the kitchen before switching the connection to video. It's a lot easier for him to get a sense of the conversation this way, and he's also not gong to give Rosen the chance to hide behind text for Lance's questions even though Lance did exactly that himself for Rosen's.]

I don't mind taking referrals, but are you okay?

[Because if Rosen's not feeling up to handling patients then there's surely a reason for it.]

[Rosen sighs heavily before switching to video. He should have seen that coming.]

You know, some people do just retire in their 60s.

[Lee, seated on his couch, runs a hand roughly through his now much too long silver hair, some of the strands sticking up as his fingers drop away again]

It has come to my attention that I may not be capable of offering patients the type of aid they need for mental health treatment. And for the sake of everyone it might be best I restrict myself to the running of the clinic.

[Lance frowns a little, eyes narrowed slightly as he both watches Rosen's reaction and contemplates it; sure, people do retire in their 60s--or a number of other ages, for various reasons--but he remembers very distinctly Rosen telling him about the attempts to get a mental health clinic going here in Hadriel right after Lance first arrived. Considering that was only a month and a half ago, he's not buying the general excuse of age, and wouldn't have even if Rosen hadn't added that last part about it having 'come to his attention' that he might not be capable of advising patients.]

Did something specific happen?

[Or multiple specific things, maybe, but there has to be something that prompted this, and he's very concerned about the particular wording Rosen is using.]

[Rosen hums softly in thought. Something specific? No. It wasn't Shadow being killed. It wasn't Flick disappearing. Or Kate disappearing. Or the varren attack. Or the city being split. He can trace his finger back along everything thats happened since he arrived in this place and he can see that it wasn't any singular event. He can't even really say when he began to notice it.

But there's been a developing trend. One he can't ignore anymore]

I don't care.

[His eyes look directly into the video feed at that as he just lets those words sink in for a moment. its the first time he's said it aloud.

It first really struck him when Marian was asking about the Gods. What people thought of them. And sitting alone in his apartment all Rosen could dig up within himself was an emptiness. A lack of feeling. He just couldn't care about the gods or what happened to them. And then when Sato's video came up, he once again found that same lack of feeling where there should have been feeling]

I keep finding that I don't care about things I probably should...things I probably would have before.

[Lee exhales heavily]

And that is not a symptom of a fit mental health professional.

Edited 2017-05-22 19:08 (UTC)

[Lance is quiet while Rosen talks, and although he immediately understands what Rosen means by his first statement the additional comments help confirm it.]

It isn't, but it is a very common reaction to stress.

[He says it more simply than he normally would've because he's sure Rosen is probably aware of that fact, considering his profession. Still, he feels the reminder is important.]

Taking a break is... Probably a good idea, but is there anything you want to talk about?

[Because although he'd like to think Rosen already knows the offer is there, it's also worth the reminder.]

I'm-

['I'm fine' is what he wants to say. Its what he always says. At least when anyone bothers to ask. And even when they don't, he says it to himself. 'I'm fine'. Always fine.

Except he's not]

-I wouldn't even know where to start.

[Lance nods a little, much more satisfied with that answer than he would've been with an 'I'm fine' because at least this one's probably honest. And it's understandable, too.

He hesitates, trying to decide whether to let the subject mostly go there or pressing a bit, but eventually chooses the latter. Considering Rosen had messaged him first, and then asked the favor, surely he knew Lance would pry and so he's taking that as a sign that Rosen might, on some level, actually want to discuss this further.]

Was there a particular instance when you first realized you felt this way?

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