lifetothefullest | [IC Inbox]

Thats a good point.

[It is less that Rosen is judging Lance, and more that he is trying to use him as a sound board for himself. Its been several days since this all happened and yet still he can't seem to get himself to feel anything about it.]

Can I ask you a favor?

Edited (forgot this was text for a second ) 2017-05-22 18:26 (UTC)

[He probably wouldn't be as defensive about it if he hadn't already had a similar conversation with Marian a few weeks earlier, but Rosen's response is enough to calm him anyway.

Though he isn't expecting the last part, and so just shifts to being concerned instead.]

Of course; what is it?

Can I please refer my psych patients to you for a while?

I don't have any regulars at the moment for counseling so hopefully it wouldn't add too much to your load.

[Right now he really only feels adequately equipped to handle the clinic. Patch jobs.]

Edited 2017-05-22 18:35 (UTC)

[Alright, now he's really worried, so there's a brief delay while he finds a sweater to pull on over his teeshirt so it's not as obvious he was still in bed, and he moves to the kitchen before switching the connection to video. It's a lot easier for him to get a sense of the conversation this way, and he's also not gong to give Rosen the chance to hide behind text for Lance's questions even though Lance did exactly that himself for Rosen's.]

I don't mind taking referrals, but are you okay?

[Because if Rosen's not feeling up to handling patients then there's surely a reason for it.]

[Rosen sighs heavily before switching to video. He should have seen that coming.]

You know, some people do just retire in their 60s.

[Lee, seated on his couch, runs a hand roughly through his now much too long silver hair, some of the strands sticking up as his fingers drop away again]

It has come to my attention that I may not be capable of offering patients the type of aid they need for mental health treatment. And for the sake of everyone it might be best I restrict myself to the running of the clinic.

[Lance frowns a little, eyes narrowed slightly as he both watches Rosen's reaction and contemplates it; sure, people do retire in their 60s--or a number of other ages, for various reasons--but he remembers very distinctly Rosen telling him about the attempts to get a mental health clinic going here in Hadriel right after Lance first arrived. Considering that was only a month and a half ago, he's not buying the general excuse of age, and wouldn't have even if Rosen hadn't added that last part about it having 'come to his attention' that he might not be capable of advising patients.]

Did something specific happen?

[Or multiple specific things, maybe, but there has to be something that prompted this, and he's very concerned about the particular wording Rosen is using.]

[Rosen hums softly in thought. Something specific? No. It wasn't Shadow being killed. It wasn't Flick disappearing. Or Kate disappearing. Or the varren attack. Or the city being split. He can trace his finger back along everything thats happened since he arrived in this place and he can see that it wasn't any singular event. He can't even really say when he began to notice it.

But there's been a developing trend. One he can't ignore anymore]

I don't care.

[His eyes look directly into the video feed at that as he just lets those words sink in for a moment. its the first time he's said it aloud.

It first really struck him when Marian was asking about the Gods. What people thought of them. And sitting alone in his apartment all Rosen could dig up within himself was an emptiness. A lack of feeling. He just couldn't care about the gods or what happened to them. And then when Sato's video came up, he once again found that same lack of feeling where there should have been feeling]

I keep finding that I don't care about things I probably should...things I probably would have before.

[Lee exhales heavily]

And that is not a symptom of a fit mental health professional.

Edited 2017-05-22 19:08 (UTC)

[Lance is quiet while Rosen talks, and although he immediately understands what Rosen means by his first statement the additional comments help confirm it.]

It isn't, but it is a very common reaction to stress.

[He says it more simply than he normally would've because he's sure Rosen is probably aware of that fact, considering his profession. Still, he feels the reminder is important.]

Taking a break is... Probably a good idea, but is there anything you want to talk about?

[Because although he'd like to think Rosen already knows the offer is there, it's also worth the reminder.]

I'm-

['I'm fine' is what he wants to say. Its what he always says. At least when anyone bothers to ask. And even when they don't, he says it to himself. 'I'm fine'. Always fine.

Except he's not]

-I wouldn't even know where to start.

[Lance nods a little, much more satisfied with that answer than he would've been with an 'I'm fine' because at least this one's probably honest. And it's understandable, too.

He hesitates, trying to decide whether to let the subject mostly go there or pressing a bit, but eventually chooses the latter. Considering Rosen had messaged him first, and then asked the favor, surely he knew Lance would pry and so he's taking that as a sign that Rosen might, on some level, actually want to discuss this further.]

Was there a particular instance when you first realized you felt this way?

When Marian was asking about the Gods. I couldn't come up with any answer aside from 'I don't care what happens to them', 'I don't care what they are doing.' I just-

[Rosen's voice trails before he closes his eyes and he shakes his head]

I don't want to do this over a phone, Lance.

[He moves to sit up on the couch, now sitting so his back is crouched over, phone held low near his knees with hims staring down at it]

[He notes the answer, but focuses on the last part for now.]

Would you like me to come over instead?

[Though his facial expression clearly betrays his discomfort with all of this, he nods.]

If its not an inconvenience.

[He feels a brief sense of deja vu--he's pretty sure he said something very similar to Rosen when he'd called him a month earlier--but ignores it and shakes his head.]

It isn't. I'll be there in twenty minutes.

[He has to look vaguely presentable in order to try to keep the conversation on topic, without Rosen picking up on anything and turning the questions back on him.]

Alright. I'll see you then

[In the meantime Rosen prepares tea. He has no coffee in his place so it has to be tea or nothing and at least the process of boiling water and steeping tea leaves gives him something to be doing with his hands.

When there is a knock at the door he answers it fairly quickly, dressed in dark slacks and a grey button down shirt. His usual 'classic professor at a stuffy east coast university' style of dress]

[Lance arrives pretty much when he said he would, dressed casually; he'd already bothered to find the sweater so he kept it, and grabbed jeans and sneakers to go with it along with trying to tame his hair, which is starting to get out of control. There wasn't much he could do about looking like he hasn't slept much, but surely that's understandable in this place.

When Rosen opens the door Lance gives a small smile, stepping into the apartment.]

Hey.

[Lee nods, murmuring 'thank you for coming' before closing the door behind Lance]

There's tea [He gestures to the pot and a pair of mugs on the kitchen table]

You look like you could use the caffeine.

[Tea isn't his normal drink of choice, but he still enjoys it and yes, he could use the caffeine.]

Thanks.

[He'll just lead the way over to the table, glancing back to make sure Rosen's following.]

[Rosen follows but its clear he's not used to being the one who is being led. He comes around to one of the chairs and stands next to it, eyeing it as if he's forgotten its function.]

Should we, um, should we sit?

I was planning on it.

[Lance responds with a small grin, pulling out the other chair.]

[Rosen nods and eases himself into the chair]

Its probably obvious that I'm not exactly experienced with this

[He understood his position when it was himself bandaging up Lance, or when it was Lance asking him for advice. But being the one who needs help, being the one whose asked for help, is like being thrown into cold murky water and he can't see where he's swimming]

I would've never guessed.

[He's keeping up the joking to try to help Rosen stay at ease, but also to make it clear this isn't something formal to be nervous about. Unless he'd like it to be otherwise, right now this is just talking between friends who both happen to have a little more experience in the art of talking about problems than most people do.]

[Lee manages a small laugh at that and his shoulders ease back a little so its looks less like he has a coat hanger in his shirt. He even relaxes enough to pour tea into both the mugs, pushing one towards lance before pulling the other towards himself]

I should be upset about what Sato did. About Shadow.

[A sigh as he leans back fully into the chair, internally reminding himself that this is Lance. This isn't an interrogation, and this isn't the prison psychiatrist trying to convince him he's insane again.

Its Lance.]

Right now all I can think is I don't care what happens to Sato. If Maketh, or anyone, killed him right now I probably wouldn't feel much of anything about it.

[Lance is glad to see him relax a little, taking the tea when offered but not trying to drink it just yet until it cools a bit. Instead he waits, quiet, while Rosen talks, and nods a little once he finishes.]

That's a pretty normal reaction. Do you know Sato or Shadow very well?

[If so then it might be less normal, depending, but feeling ambivalent about an incident that doesn't directly involve oneself isn't unusual even if--and sometimes especially if--it's something shocking.]

I don't know Sato at all. Shadow I know somewhat. He's not bad. We talked about music. [Lee sneaks a small blow of air to try and cool his tea] I have to admit I thought I had been drugged when I first saw a talking hedgehog. Somehow it was stranger to me than the talking skeleton. But thats what this place does to you.

[His gaze lifts from the gently waving surface of his tea to Lance]

I hate killing, Lance. I hate it. Or I did. Bill, one of my Alphas, he pushed and pushed for me to carry a firearm. But I hated the things. I hated the idea of killing to the point of feeling ill over the thought of it

[But all of that is gone.]

Edited 2017-05-22 21:13 (UTC)

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