[IC Inbox | Meadowlark]

[lifetothefullest]

@lance.sweets | ■ ▲ ◌ ▼

Comments

[lifetothefullest]

[If it had just been that first comment, Lance probably would've left the conversation there and just been relieved that it hadn't gone as badly as it could've. He doesn't necessarily want to risk that changing by unnecessarily continuing the conversation.

But that comment about not being on his own stands out to him, both because that's something he rarely hears, and because it's just... Kind to say. Really, unexpectedly so, especially from someone he doesn't even generally get along with.

But it's also something he can't just accept and move on from without saying something about, considering everything that happened in the Aerie and the situation they're all dealing with now. So although there's a brief delay, he does decide to respond.]

You're not on your own either. It's understandable if you might want to withdraw to some extent after what happened, especially in the short term, but other than your own want for some space and time there's no need to remain isolated.

[It isn't wrong to want some time to process and readjust, but that's a completely different situation to thinking that he has to stay away from other people due to what happened. This whole thing is so complicated, but they all went through the Aerie and they're all having to deal with figuring out how to move on from it, and that includes Stephen and all the other people who don't just have to contend with their experiences, but with who they were.]

[rehandle]

[ It's not as unexpected as it perhaps ought to be coming from Lance, given their history even before the Aerie. You couldn't get as caught up on advocating for the mental well-being of incoming strangers as he does without being an inherently compassionate person. ]

That's good of you to say.

[ And true to a point. There's no need for him to stay away, nothing stopping him on the face of it. But... ]

But there's some due diligence owed before I start behaving like my public presence has no impact on the lives of anybody around me.

[ The work needs doing, so he'll do it. Speaking of, though what he asks is talking more around than about - ]

How are you holding up?

[lifetothefullest]

There is. And there are going to be people who are affected even if they might not want to be.

[In that they might recognize that what happened in the Aerie isn't necessarily fair to be holding against anyone, but logic and trauma don't always play together very well.

It's going to be a difficult line to find, for Stephen and for everyone else.

The next question is more direct than he really expected, considering how awkward pretty much everything about all their conversations have been, but it also makes sense; they're already speaking, and their relationship is already... Tumultuous. He's kind of a safe person to practice having this sort of conversation with, since there isn't much to lose.

The problem, on Lance's side, is deciding how honest to be. It's not like it wasn't obvious in the rest of their conversation that things aren't going well in general, so completely brushing off the question seems pointless, but he also doesn't want to get into anything really personal.]

I've been better, but it has less to do with the Aerie than with everything else.

[A truthful answer, for the most part, without adding any real details. But hopefully it'll reassure Stephen about the actual issue at hand--what happened between them in the Aerie--while still being able to avoid going too much into what's actually going on.]

[rehandle]

[ Precisely. And for him, and to a lesser degree certainly Lance (fighting against it from within or not, all who worked for the establishment were part of the establishment), that effect spans out beyond just people in their number and the small cast of natives who made up the fabric of their individual lives. Even counting out those he acted upon directly and to devastating effect, his involvement in the world of the Aerie spans centuries.

There are a lot of elements on the scale that he'll never really be able to balance. It is what it is. He'll take as good a shot at choosing his moments as he can.

It's not the kind of ethical debate they need to have now. ]

I'm not surprised. Stepping out of that and into this can't have been the world's most comforting not-quite-homecoming.

[ If there's one thing he can easily commiserate over with just about anybody, it's Displaced drama. Especially Displaced network drama, and he can only assume that's a large chunk of what Lance has been up against.

An odd disconnect in the ease of falling into this sort of conversation, the compartmentalisation of all the rest of it entirely effortless. ]

[lifetothefullest]

[This is definitely an easy conversation to fall into, and that's welcomed right now, especially after everything else that's just happened. External more than internal issues to focus on.]

The world was basically empty when I came back.

[It's not a correction so much as just clarification, because coming back to fighting on the network would've sucked but it would've been something... Familiar, he supposes. But instead he'd come back to basically nothing, and had spent the next several days trying to figure out how to help the other people returning, deal with the complete shutdown of society that had happened, and try to make sense of it all.

And then people had started to return, and--]

Did you catch up on what was found out about Henries?

[And then all the fighting about that, and the fighting about the fighting, and the lecturing about how someone could dare be focusing on that instead of the situation with people returning, as if some of them hadn't been dealing with it nonstop. And then now there's this, and it's so exhausting to be constantly trying to manage it all.]

[rehandle]

[ Oh. That's - uncomfortable to think about. Quarry participants waking alone on an empty planet. As if the circumstances hadn't been bad enough.

If it's unpleasant as a concept for him, he can't imagine it's much fun to recall as somebody who lived it. He doesn't dwell. ]

Yes. I've been filled in.

[ Tony first, and Jason not so long later. He's as up to date as he's going to be before Jimmy Henries himself comes calling. ]

I arrived back to Tony threatening to build a space ship, so while I'm sure I'll get around to reading all of whatever happened on the network eventually, I can only imagine it was a lot.

[ Which isn't quite the point. ]

It can be hard not to take it personally.

[lifetothefullest]

[He wants to ask if Tony really is trying to build a spaceship, because he saw talk about that--or hijacking Henries' ship, which seemed more appealing in Lance's opinion--but everyone pretty much went quiet after it became apparent they'd have to wait.

But that's also not really the point, even if he's not so sure he wants to let it veer back into more personal territory; there's only so much lamenting he can do before he's annoyed with himself, let alone other people are annoyed with him, which usually comes even faster. Still, he decides not deflect entirely, because Stephen's trying to help and right now Lance will take any hint of understanding that he can get.]

It'd be easier if it weren't personal.

[He can brush off people disagreeing, even if he's annoyed that they won't see what he usually feels are pretty clear issues if he's bringing them up. But it's hardly ever just that; it's almost always something personal on top of it, some insinuation--or outright accusation--about his motives, or some insult about what he's said or thought or what someone else thinks he thought.

He can pretty much guarantee if he says something even slightly controversial it'll turn into at least one person showing up to tell him how terrible he is, and there's only so long he can ignore and rationalize away that sort of thing before he starts to wonder if there's some merit to it.

But that's as far as he'll go on that, before he turns the conversation back.]

Is wherever you're staying livable? There was a lot of damage from the plants, and some of the infrastructure is down.

[rehandle]

[ He's not sure if there's a friendly way to pot, kettle him in reference to their original bone of contention without it coming across as a genuine dig, so maybe best to leave that alone. Instead, because he's been here more than enough times to have mostly learned from his own mistakes - ]

Comments section. Remind yourself of that as often as you can. It's easy to jump to conclusions when you're talking to pixels forming letters in your brain, even easier when the situation's fraught, there's ongoing trauma and being right is the only liferaft left. People say things they wouldn't to your face.

[ After that, he'll let the topic change take over. ]

Fortunately for me I live with a once internationally renowned engineer turned work-for-board handyman. We're doing alright. If you're struggling for anything, I hope you'll go to Red Wings.

[lifetothefullest]

[Right. Comments section. It's hard to reconcile even though they'd just talked about it because he would never use an actual comments section for anything at home, and here it's basically the main form of communication. Awful.

But okay. If he can keep that in mind it does help, and Stephen's right on his other points, so he's going to do his best. It might be a little more difficult for him than some other people because of various factors, but he's done much harder things than this.

So refocusing on the new topic--]

That's good. Kyna and I got lucky; aside from some overgrowth through the windows there wasn't much damage.

[And as for Red Wings, he appreciates the sentiment, but he thinks he'll be avoiding the place awhile as things settle down. No need to cause more trouble, but also no need to mention that.]

Now that everyone's returned, there's fortunately been less need to bring people to Red Wings for help, though the hospital is still really understaffed; you might've seen the post about that. I don't think they have anyone with much knowledge in your area of expertise, and therefore if you need something to do they might benefit from consulting with you--even from afar--if a patient with those needs comes in.

[Not to give Stephen work or anything, but a distraction that he could participate in without having to be involved in person might help. Hopefully, anyway.]

[rehandle]

I'm glad to hear it.

[ The topic shift is subtle enough that it's notable, but also that it doesn't bear mentioning or reading into too much. The conclusion is easy enough to reach, no need to chase after it. Besides, Lance is offering a focal point - not just in terms of the conversation, but in terms of grounding him in the distraction of the now.

It's a kindness. He won't spit at it. ]

Do you happen to know who took point in the end? Given the context of our conversation, I'm sure you won't be surprised to learn I avoided paying detailed attention to that particular discussion at the time.

If you don't know, don't go looking. I'm going to have to endure the network again eventually. It may as well be to do my own legwork.

[lifetothefullest]

[He'd thought Stephen might allow the topic shift, but he's relieved all the same not to be called out on it.]

Technically I believe Nicky was organizing, but Gene's also there.

[And so Lance had coordinated with him since he knows him better, which he imagines might be the same case for Stephen.]

As far as doctors go I think Julian was also involved, so he could be another potential person to talk to.

[rehandle]

Great. I'll see about getting in touch.

Thanks, Lance. It was good to speak with you.

[ And he means that exactly as he says it. Good to have an opportunity to talk, plainly and without either one of them reaching too blatantly for the high ground to the detriment of seeing something close to eye to eye. To get to know one another a little better, even if it was through the medium of a topic it's a wonder they hadn't yet exhausted.

Good also to be able to have a conversation, after everything. There are a good many more of them he'll need to have, but this one has been far from terrible. ]

[lifetothefullest]

[This is definitely not he he expected this conversation to end up, especially with how it started, but he'll take it. It's probably the best way it could've gone, and considering how bad everything has been for all of them lately, that's nothing short of miraculous.]

Yeah, you too. Let me know if there's anything you need.

[With dealing with all this, especially since he's not sure exactly how limited Stephen's support network is going to be at the moment.]