[Yeah, complicated is a nice word for this. So this Klaus guy is a witch, a werewolf, and a vampire all at the same time? If he weren't so sure Elena were telling the truth--or believes she is, but at this point that might as well be the same thing--then he'd assume this was some sort of really odd prank.
Still, the details of how her world works are ultimately less important than the consequences of them, and he doesn't miss that comment about killing her. But he doesn't say anything just yet, still filing information away and thinking it's best to let her get everything out, and just nods again.]
It's what I am. [ She grimaces. ] It's what I was. [ She looks away, then back to Lance. ] I've never done this before, is this all that it is? Do I just talk? [ Is she saying too much? There's so much, Lance. ]
It's a lot. And it gets harder to follow. [ She's never spoken like this, about everything all at once. ] I want to say that I don't know what I want to say, but I do. I have to. I have these emotions I need to deal with and I'm scared that I can't.
[He assures her, since it seems like she really does want to keep going, although maybe not without a little more encouragement considering her last comment.]
You can. That you're here and willing to even try says a lot on its own.
No, I can't try, I need to do it. I can't let it be too much. [ Have vampires turned it off for less? But, maybe she can come at this from another angle. Klaus will always be there. Enduring. This, she's heard. ] I moved out. From the first spire without Caroline.
For more than one reason. [ Not that that response is of any help. She pauses, not knowing what to say. ] We said things, things we can't take back. [ She's holding back. He knows she is. She doesn't know how she can say what she needs to. But, she knows she needs to. ]
[ He didn't ask the question she expected to hear. ] How I said them. Not what I said. Not everything. Am I supposed to blame the gods? I don't blame Caroline. [ But, she blames herself. Which makes no sense when she doesn't blame Caroline. She was as out of herself as Caroline had been. ]
[Okay, it's previous obvious something major happened between them, presumably during the event that just happened. He remembers that people were getting pretty angry in the last few days--even he'd lost his temper a few times, although the only casualties had been a few thrown pillows--and if Elena and Caroline had a fight that was influenced by the gods, it would definitely be a confusing situation to sort out. Even more so if the fight was actually about something serious.
Now he'll ask the question that was probably expected.]
[ The million dollar question. Her eyes lock, remembering it. Remembering trying to get through to Caroline. And then dropping to the ground. There are things she can't avoid. Making this choice ensures that. ] Caroline thought I wasn't having enough fun. I tried to get through to her, [ She looks away, her eye waters, her palm coming up to wipe it away. ]
[He watches her expression change, and the start of tears, but it's hard to get a gauge of how serious whatever conflict she and Caroline had just from that. What isn't difficult to gauge, though, is that it's very serious to her.]
Not then. We argued a few days later. [ Her breath shudders out. She steels herself and hardens her heart as she looks back at him. ] Caroline's a vampire. She turned me. She fed me her blood and then she killed me. [ She has to add, quickly tacking on ] I'm not dangerous. I don't -- want to hurt people. There's a switch vampires have. It's called a humanity switch, and when things get too hard or impossible to take, vampires can flip it. [ It's not as simple as that, not for vampires like Stefan, but it's the easiest way to explain it. ] I don't want to flip mine, I can't, but everything is amplified.
[ Including feelings. ] It's why I'm here. I need to talk, I need to work through everything that happened. I lost my parents in a car accident. And my aunt to Klaus. My biological mother and father because of Klaus. Alaric because of Klaus' mother. [ Her breathing quickens but she regulates herself, eyes closing. ] If this is too much, understand. You didn't sign up to hear about the life and death of Elena Gilbert. Either time.
[Lance doesn't understand the humanity switch thing, but even though he's aware it's important he really doesn't care the moment; he's still much more stuck on the part about Elena's friend killing her. The vampire stuff, whatever, it's just a different context and situation and motive and those specifics aren't as important right now as the very universally understandable trauma of being hurt--especially seriously--by a friend.
He can't keep the shock off his face despite being in his professional psychologist mode, but he immediately shakes his head at Elena's last comments, shifting to sit forward in his chair to help convey how serious he is. It's especially necessary because his voice goes a little quieter, not really on purpose, but his tone is calm and certain.]
It isn't too much. I'm glad you came to speak to me, and I'm going to do whatever I can to help.
[He's seen, and heard, and lived his own share of horror stories; it's part of what he does, part of his job. If the situation were less serious, he might've told her that this is actually exactly what he signed up for.
But ultimately, the point he wants her to understand is that he's there to help, and she shouldn't feel guilty or unsure or anything else about telling him all of this. That said, there is a lot to sort out, and he starts trying to mentally do so as he asks a question; he told her he would if he were lost, after all.]
I don't quite understand what you mean by humanity switch; could you explain it further?
[He feels like it's important to fully understand before he starts trying to help her with it and everything else.]
[ She listens to him. Most important of all, she believes him. ]
After transitioning, when you're a vampire everything amplifies. Speed and strength. Sounds, smells. Every sense. Every skill. But, you amplify. Everything you are, everything you feel. Some vampires reach a point where they can't take feeling. It's too much for them, so they turn it off. They stop feeling. Everything. Anything. Everything that makes them who they are, their remorse, their grief. It ends. I've only ever seen it twice. Once with a vampire named Damon, who, over time switched his back, if it was ever flipped in the first place. And once with his brother, Stefan. Klaus made him turn his humanity off. [ She remembers back, pursing her lips. ] But, what was worse was when he broke through. He did something I never thought he would ever be capable of. [ To her. ] I'm afraid of finally feeling everyone I lost, everyone I'll never see again, the resentment that had built up between Caroline and me. But, I'm afraid of when Caroline breaks through, because she will. I'm afraid of after.
[Most of that he can understand, at least theoretically, although it feels like every time she explains something specific it brings up new questions; what is 'breaking through?' Is Caroline's humanity switch on or off?
He's torn between asking for more details--he needs to know what he's dealing with in order to help--or focusing on what Elena has told him so far, and decides to go with the latter. Right now he thinks it's best to work on one thing at a time, and let her leave this meeting tonight with at least a little bit of hope that things will be alright.]
Okay. So if I understand this all correctly, you're feeling overwhelmed because of the intensifying of what you were already feeling about past and present situations and experiences, and you want to find a way to manage that without having to resort to shutting off your emotions completely.
[If that's right, that's definitely something that can be worked on. Vampires and humanity switches aside, that's a situation that can arise with humans too; retreating from any emotion is not an uncommon coping mechanism, even if it's a terribly unhealthy one.]
[ He recounts what she says. He understands perfectly. Hearing him say it clinically makes it feel less insurmountable. ]
Yeah, I want to, but, I need to. I don't have a choice. [ Not if she wants to come out the other side friends with Caroline. And most importantly, still herself. ]
There's always a choice. That's why wanting to do this is just as important as any reason why it seems you need to.
[It's not really a correction, just a gentle reminder. But okay, good, he understands the situation, and she's willing to do what she has to, and this can be sorted out.]
I think we should focus on the most immediate cause of stress, which I would guess is what happened with Caroline.
[ Why shouldn't she want to do this. She has no desire to kill anyone. It's the last thing she wants. The most she's done is stab Rebekah in the back. Or, threaten her own life. Give up her own life. But, she never wants anyone to die, especially not at her hands. It's the quieter moments she finds are harder to handle when her mind recalls something traumatic or upsetting, or some combination of the two. The times she was compelled (few and far between, and both by Damon) came back, but when she'd been high on Delight. They hadn't hit her as hard as they do now. Knowing Damon gave her back the necklace, had declared his love. And knowing she'd met Damon first, a version of Damon Salvatore that contradicted what she first knew of him. Everything conflicted, including how she felt about this place, Delight, and now Caroline.
She's with him, nodding. ] I agree. [ And despite agreeing, her mouth opens, then closes, the phone Hadriel provided her in her hands. ] I don't know where to start.
[That's usually the best place to start. If it's not completely clear what he means by that, though, he adds an additional question.]
Which part keeps coming to mind most strongly?
[Not necessarily what would logically be most important, or what upsets her the most; what stands out doesn't always line up with that, but it's the most pressing in one's subconscious for a reason.]
[ She thinks. Being killed is a strong memory, but it's not what sits in her mind at the forefront. Or, how Caroline was. She's seen Caroline be the bitch. She used to think if anybody could play the part, it would be her. It's not even hurting Caroline. But, the underlying issue that drove them apart in the first place. ]
After Caroline found me, on our first day here, things didn't add up. Things I said to her didn't make sense. Because of who I was asking about, and then she asked what the last thing that I remembered was - and, [ Her eyes meet Lance's. ] it wasn't what she remembered. It wasn't even close.
[He's quiet, patient, while she thinks, and he's both curious and concerned about what she might eventually say. When she does respond, it's not with anything he would've expected but definitely intriguing nonetheless.]
I'm guessing that you mean what you remember and she remembers are different enough that it can't be explained by just being in different places?
[Because otherwise she wouldn't have brought it up, but he hasn't heard much--maybe one thing, once, and in all the other stuff going on he's not really recalling it--about the idea of people coming from different times.]
[Yeah, give him a second. Eight years is a lot, in either direction, and he has a brief moment where he can't help but wonder what it would be like if one of his friends arrived here from either eight years in the future or the past. In the future, he likely would've been dead for eight years, and they might not believe he's really himself. Eight years in the past, they wouldn't even know who he is.
The thought is terrifying, suddenly, briefly and intensely, but he carefully tries to clear the thoughts from his mind and focus on Elena again.]
I um... I can see how that would be a shock. And a problem.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2017-06-07 12:28 am (UTC)Still, the details of how her world works are ultimately less important than the consequences of them, and he doesn't miss that comment about killing her. But he doesn't say anything just yet, still filing information away and thinking it's best to let her get everything out, and just nods again.]
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Date: 2017-06-07 12:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-06-07 12:38 am (UTC)[He's still sorting things out mentally as he responds, watching her expression and reaction as well.]
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Date: 2017-06-07 12:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-06-07 12:58 am (UTC)[He assures her, since it seems like she really does want to keep going, although maybe not without a little more encouragement considering her last comment.]
You can. That you're here and willing to even try says a lot on its own.
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Date: 2017-06-07 01:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-06-07 01:08 am (UTC)Why did you move out?
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Date: 2017-06-07 04:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-06-07 04:29 am (UTC)Would you take them back if you could?
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Date: 2017-06-07 04:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-06-07 04:53 am (UTC)Now he'll ask the question that was probably expected.]
What happened?
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Date: 2017-06-07 05:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-06-07 05:29 am (UTC)And you had an argument?
[Based on what she said about things being said.]
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Date: 2017-06-07 05:41 am (UTC)[ Including feelings. ] It's why I'm here. I need to talk, I need to work through everything that happened. I lost my parents in a car accident. And my aunt to Klaus. My biological mother and father because of Klaus. Alaric because of Klaus' mother. [ Her breathing quickens but she regulates herself, eyes closing. ] If this is too much, understand. You didn't sign up to hear about the life and death of Elena Gilbert. Either time.
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Date: 2017-06-07 06:16 am (UTC)He can't keep the shock off his face despite being in his professional psychologist mode, but he immediately shakes his head at Elena's last comments, shifting to sit forward in his chair to help convey how serious he is. It's especially necessary because his voice goes a little quieter, not really on purpose, but his tone is calm and certain.]
It isn't too much. I'm glad you came to speak to me, and I'm going to do whatever I can to help.
[He's seen, and heard, and lived his own share of horror stories; it's part of what he does, part of his job. If the situation were less serious, he might've told her that this is actually exactly what he signed up for.
But ultimately, the point he wants her to understand is that he's there to help, and she shouldn't feel guilty or unsure or anything else about telling him all of this. That said, there is a lot to sort out, and he starts trying to mentally do so as he asks a question; he told her he would if he were lost, after all.]
I don't quite understand what you mean by humanity switch; could you explain it further?
[He feels like it's important to fully understand before he starts trying to help her with it and everything else.]
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Date: 2017-06-07 06:50 am (UTC)After transitioning, when you're a vampire everything amplifies. Speed and strength. Sounds, smells. Every sense. Every skill. But, you amplify. Everything you are, everything you feel. Some vampires reach a point where they can't take feeling. It's too much for them, so they turn it off. They stop feeling. Everything. Anything. Everything that makes them who they are, their remorse, their grief. It ends. I've only ever seen it twice. Once with a vampire named Damon, who, over time switched his back, if it was ever flipped in the first place. And once with his brother, Stefan. Klaus made him turn his humanity off. [ She remembers back, pursing her lips. ] But, what was worse was when he broke through. He did something I never thought he would ever be capable of. [ To her. ] I'm afraid of finally feeling everyone I lost, everyone I'll never see again, the resentment that had built up between Caroline and me. But, I'm afraid of when Caroline breaks through, because she will. I'm afraid of after.
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Date: 2017-06-08 01:09 am (UTC)He's torn between asking for more details--he needs to know what he's dealing with in order to help--or focusing on what Elena has told him so far, and decides to go with the latter. Right now he thinks it's best to work on one thing at a time, and let her leave this meeting tonight with at least a little bit of hope that things will be alright.]
Okay. So if I understand this all correctly, you're feeling overwhelmed because of the intensifying of what you were already feeling about past and present situations and experiences, and you want to find a way to manage that without having to resort to shutting off your emotions completely.
[If that's right, that's definitely something that can be worked on. Vampires and humanity switches aside, that's a situation that can arise with humans too; retreating from any emotion is not an uncommon coping mechanism, even if it's a terribly unhealthy one.]
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Date: 2017-06-08 02:20 am (UTC)Yeah, I want to, but, I need to. I don't have a choice. [ Not if she wants to come out the other side friends with Caroline. And most importantly, still herself. ]
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Date: 2017-06-08 02:31 am (UTC)[It's not really a correction, just a gentle reminder. But okay, good, he understands the situation, and she's willing to do what she has to, and this can be sorted out.]
I think we should focus on the most immediate cause of stress, which I would guess is what happened with Caroline.
[But she should correct him, if he's wrong.]
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Date: 2017-06-09 12:50 am (UTC)She's with him, nodding. ] I agree. [ And despite agreeing, her mouth opens, then closes, the phone Hadriel provided her in her hands. ] I don't know where to start.
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Date: 2017-06-09 12:55 am (UTC)[That's usually the best place to start. If it's not completely clear what he means by that, though, he adds an additional question.]
Which part keeps coming to mind most strongly?
[Not necessarily what would logically be most important, or what upsets her the most; what stands out doesn't always line up with that, but it's the most pressing in one's subconscious for a reason.]
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Date: 2017-06-09 01:07 am (UTC)After Caroline found me, on our first day here, things didn't add up. Things I said to her didn't make sense. Because of who I was asking about, and then she asked what the last thing that I remembered was - and, [ Her eyes meet Lance's. ] it wasn't what she remembered. It wasn't even close.
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Date: 2017-06-09 01:39 am (UTC)I'm guessing that you mean what you remember and she remembers are different enough that it can't be explained by just being in different places?
[Because otherwise she wouldn't have brought it up, but he hasn't heard much--maybe one thing, once, and in all the other stuff going on he's not really recalling it--about the idea of people coming from different times.]
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Date: 2017-06-09 01:42 am (UTC)[ Let that sink in. ]
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Date: 2017-06-09 01:48 am (UTC)The thought is terrifying, suddenly, briefly and intensely, but he carefully tries to clear the thoughts from his mind and focus on Elena again.]
I um... I can see how that would be a shock. And a problem.
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