[The couch seems fine, as the clergyman takes a seat on it, clasping his hands in his lap much as he might do at confessional. He's not the one on the shrouded side of the window this time, however.]
Ah.
[He's silent for a moment after that, as though struggling to figure out what to say.]
Oh, um. Sorry, I- I really should have asked how you're doing after- after all that mess. I- I assume my healing held up, didn't it?
[There's that lopsided smile again, one of feigned wellness.]
Aheh. Of course. I just- I really should have followed up on that. I suppose I am allowed to shirk a few duties every now and- and then, when there are murderous constructs in the city...
[He trails off, his momentary distraction gone. He still hasn't thought of how to talk about what it is that's on his mind, or even decided if he should talk about such things. Shouldn't he discuss this topic with his lover? Or someone he's close to?
Well, no, people went to clergy like him for just that reason. And Lance did say he was a doctor of the mind, of sorts. This should be his area of expertise, Carlisle tells himself.]
I... I suppose those constructs are why I would have our ends on my mind. [Among other reasons.]
[Lance offers a small smile with the light comment; it's a joke, but he means it. It's totally reasonable for Carlisle not to have followed up with him, for several reasons.
But he's serious again immediately at the last comment, nodding a little in understanding.]
With good reason. Is there something in particular you were thinking about, or that is bothering you?
[Down Carlisle's eyes go, back to his hands. That thread in his fingers is just a little longer as it pulls a small hole in his sleeve.]
There are... um. [He pushes a sigh through his nose, trying again.] Some individuals here do not take death seriously. They- they don't worry for themselves in the way they ought to, nor do they stop to think about what their deaths would do to those around them. They don't- they take their very lives and existences for granted, never considering how their loss would be worse than sating their own need to- to put themselves into the fray.
[Lance is quiet, listening patiently, and the issue that Carlisle explains is one that--for better or worse--Lance has actually dealt with a lot recently, in some form or another. So he has a lot of hopefully helpful insight, although without knowing more about the particular situation it's difficult to know where to start.]
This is an issue that exists in my world too; it's something I'm familiar with, although there are many different reasons and causes for it. You don't have to name names or anything, but is there someone in specific you're concerned about, or is it more that the general issue worries you?
[His fingers tighten on that thread, pulling it again.]
We're not friends.
[That came out a little too quickly and too sharply to be true. His denial has been honed over time, tempered with each passing month and every new threat that rises against the people of Hadriel. Carlisle's nose wrinkles, his shoulders stiffening as his hands shake.]
I- I have tried to understand why it is that sh- that they don't see how tentative this existence is. Why is it someone would thrust themselves into danger so readily when there are others who care about them?
[Yeah that denial is so not convincing, but Lance doesn't call him on it; it wouldn't help, and says enough on its own anyway. So does Carlisle's posture and tension, and Lance does his best to project a sense of calm to hopefully help counteract it as he answers.]
It could be any number of reasons, or a combination of them. They could simply believe it's the right thing to do, to be involved in whatever dangerous event is happening, because of their skills or experience. They could be overconfident, and truly believe nothing will happen to them and therefore their friends simply shouldn't worry about them. They may not care about themselves enough, or have enough self-esteem, to be concerned with their own well-being or to truly believe that others genuinely care, rather than just saying they do.
[Or potentially other explanations, although those are the usual ones.]
But whatever the reason is, it is probably not one that involves any purposeful desire to worry the people who care about them, even if that may be an end result.
The right thing to do would be to not leave those who would care for you to suffer through your loss.
[He says that with absolute conviction, the tone of someone who has been through that too many times already. His voice is hardened, but his eyes hold fear: he has been through it, and will be facing it himself soon enough.]
[Lance is quiet for a moment at that, not because what Carlisle said is particularly offensive or anything, but because he's thinking about his own fate at home. He's doing the same thing, after all, and leaving his girlfriend and unborn child alone because of his likely death.
But this isn't about him, and he refocuses on the conversation at hand and that look on Carlisle's face, and carefully decides how to respond.]
Sometimes, yes, that is the case. Others, the risk is an unfortunate but inherent part of doing the right thing, such as it is for soldiers and law enforcement.
[Carlisle's outburst is met with a rattled cough from the back of his throat; one hand goes before his mouth while the other presses against his own abdomen, holding the scars beneath his sweater as though he'd fear they'd tear apart and rend him in twain. He's fine after a moment, but he seems no more settled as he rubs at his throat.]
[Lance is usually a little jumpy when people suddenly yell, but he's convinced Carlisle isn't any sort of danger to him and so he can mostly ignore it, even though he's surprised by the sudden outburst and concerned about that physical reaction.]
There's no need to apologize. Are you okay?
[He remembers the coughing when Carlisle healed him, too, so he wonders if he might be sick, although an injury could cause the same signs depending on the nature of it.]
[And that's said reflexively, despite how untrue it may be. He lowers his hand from his face, his fingers curling.]
My point being... hm.
[Carlisle hesitates. He should keep such things to himself. It's not his place to burden others with... something. He's not entirely sure as his mind tries -- and fails -- to conjure up more excuses to leave matters unsaid. Another sigh escapes him, his voice quieting with his ire.]
Not everyone has the same measure of life. Not everyone has the chance to live beyond a meager amount of years. Some, no matter what they do or how hard they try to change it, are ultimately cursed to brevity in this world. Those who have the opportunity for more should take it.
[Again, Lance is not convinced, but he lets it slide for the moment; he'll bring it back up and press a bit more later. But for now, he can tell Carlisle's considering saying something difficult, which indeed he does.
It isn't hard to read between the lines there, or to understand the more obvious point. He decides to address the latter, for now.]
You're right. No one is guaranteed any of the time that they have, and some people don't even get the chance for as much time as others. But as frustrating as that is, it isn't a lesson that can really be taught; it's something that usually, someone has to experience in some way. They have to have a brush with death, or lose someone they care for, or something of that sort to truly understand how important the time they do have really is.
[And so, his own point there is--]
It isn't wrong to be upset by this, but you can't force your friend's outlook to change if they don't want it to change themselves. Have you talked to them, about any of this?
She'll tell me I'm being foolish. That there's nothing to worry about. Or 'what was I s'pposed to do?'
[His impersonation of Kate could be better, but he's too busy trying not to start coughing again; that itch at the back of his throat refuses to rest.]
Or maybe she'll say nothing and let me stew over this a while longer. And if she dies or vanishes from this city, she won't have to see the sorrow of those who believe they've failed her.
[He's going to take that as a no, then. And that impression also gives him a guess as to who they might be talking about, although it's not specific enough to be sure.]
She might do any one of those things, but isn't it worth it to try to get her to understand? She may not realize the stress she's causing you, or she may but see it as over-protectiveness or an insult rather than genuine concern for her. Or she may truly believe it's unwarranted or unreasonable, in which case it's important to understand why she thinks that.
Then as frustrating as it may be, if it's a matter between the two of them it's up to them to decide how to handle it.
[So if Carlisle is really not bothered by this personally, then he'll have to just accept what they've worked out. Not that Lance believes that's the case, though.]
[And it absolutely isn't; however, Carlisle manages to hold that in, his hands trembling still as they curl in on themselves, pressing against his lap. He stifles another series of coughs; his chest aches, but he's not sure it's the hacking he's been doing that's causing such pain.]
I suppose.
[His gaze falls to his hands once more as he fights that urge to argue. He came here for advice, and he got it. What more does he want?]
Thank you, doctor. I didn't mean to interrupt your day with something so seemingly inconsequential.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2017-12-30 07:01 am (UTC)Ah.
[He's silent for a moment after that, as though struggling to figure out what to say.]
Oh, um. Sorry, I- I really should have asked how you're doing after- after all that mess. I- I assume my healing held up, didn't it?
[There's that lopsided smile again, one of feigned wellness.]
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Date: 2017-12-30 07:08 am (UTC)It did, thank you. I really appreciate your help, and without it I wouldn't have been able to continue helping fight the Null.
[So it not only made a difference for Lance personally, but for the general effort to resist the Null.]
And you don't have to apologize; I should've checked in with you also, but I imagine we've both just had a lot to deal with in the past few weeks.
[Lance knows he has, and from the look of Carlisle he thinks it's a fair guess that he has too.]
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Date: 2017-12-30 07:11 am (UTC)[He trails off, his momentary distraction gone. He still hasn't thought of how to talk about what it is that's on his mind, or even decided if he should talk about such things. Shouldn't he discuss this topic with his lover? Or someone he's close to?
Well, no, people went to clergy like him for just that reason. And Lance did say he was a doctor of the mind, of sorts. This should be his area of expertise, Carlisle tells himself.]
I... I suppose those constructs are why I would have our ends on my mind. [Among other reasons.]
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Date: 2017-12-30 07:15 am (UTC)[Lance offers a small smile with the light comment; it's a joke, but he means it. It's totally reasonable for Carlisle not to have followed up with him, for several reasons.
But he's serious again immediately at the last comment, nodding a little in understanding.]
With good reason. Is there something in particular you were thinking about, or that is bothering you?
no subject
Date: 2017-12-30 07:20 am (UTC)There are... um. [He pushes a sigh through his nose, trying again.] Some individuals here do not take death seriously. They- they don't worry for themselves in the way they ought to, nor do they stop to think about what their deaths would do to those around them. They don't- they take their very lives and existences for granted, never considering how their loss would be worse than sating their own need to- to put themselves into the fray.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-30 07:31 am (UTC)This is an issue that exists in my world too; it's something I'm familiar with, although there are many different reasons and causes for it. You don't have to name names or anything, but is there someone in specific you're concerned about, or is it more that the general issue worries you?
no subject
Date: 2017-12-30 07:36 am (UTC)We're not friends.
[That came out a little too quickly and too sharply to be true. His denial has been honed over time, tempered with each passing month and every new threat that rises against the people of Hadriel. Carlisle's nose wrinkles, his shoulders stiffening as his hands shake.]
I- I have tried to understand why it is that sh- that they don't see how tentative this existence is. Why is it someone would thrust themselves into danger so readily when there are others who care about them?
no subject
Date: 2017-12-30 07:44 am (UTC)It could be any number of reasons, or a combination of them. They could simply believe it's the right thing to do, to be involved in whatever dangerous event is happening, because of their skills or experience. They could be overconfident, and truly believe nothing will happen to them and therefore their friends simply shouldn't worry about them. They may not care about themselves enough, or have enough self-esteem, to be concerned with their own well-being or to truly believe that others genuinely care, rather than just saying they do.
[Or potentially other explanations, although those are the usual ones.]
But whatever the reason is, it is probably not one that involves any purposeful desire to worry the people who care about them, even if that may be an end result.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-30 07:47 am (UTC)[He says that with absolute conviction, the tone of someone who has been through that too many times already. His voice is hardened, but his eyes hold fear: he has been through it, and will be facing it himself soon enough.]
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Date: 2017-12-30 07:53 am (UTC)But this isn't about him, and he refocuses on the conversation at hand and that look on Carlisle's face, and carefully decides how to respond.]
Sometimes, yes, that is the case. Others, the risk is an unfortunate but inherent part of doing the right thing, such as it is for soldiers and law enforcement.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-30 08:01 am (UTC)[Carlisle's outburst is met with a rattled cough from the back of his throat; one hand goes before his mouth while the other presses against his own abdomen, holding the scars beneath his sweater as though he'd fear they'd tear apart and rend him in twain. He's fine after a moment, but he seems no more settled as he rubs at his throat.]
Sorry. I shouldn't lose my temper.
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Date: 2017-12-30 08:10 am (UTC)There's no need to apologize. Are you okay?
[He remembers the coughing when Carlisle healed him, too, so he wonders if he might be sick, although an injury could cause the same signs depending on the nature of it.]
no subject
Date: 2017-12-30 08:19 am (UTC)[And that's said reflexively, despite how untrue it may be. He lowers his hand from his face, his fingers curling.]
My point being... hm.
[Carlisle hesitates. He should keep such things to himself. It's not his place to burden others with... something. He's not entirely sure as his mind tries -- and fails -- to conjure up more excuses to leave matters unsaid. Another sigh escapes him, his voice quieting with his ire.]
Not everyone has the same measure of life. Not everyone has the chance to live beyond a meager amount of years. Some, no matter what they do or how hard they try to change it, are ultimately cursed to brevity in this world. Those who have the opportunity for more should take it.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-30 08:33 am (UTC)It isn't hard to read between the lines there, or to understand the more obvious point. He decides to address the latter, for now.]
You're right. No one is guaranteed any of the time that they have, and some people don't even get the chance for as much time as others. But as frustrating as that is, it isn't a lesson that can really be taught; it's something that usually, someone has to experience in some way. They have to have a brush with death, or lose someone they care for, or something of that sort to truly understand how important the time they do have really is.
[And so, his own point there is--]
It isn't wrong to be upset by this, but you can't force your friend's outlook to change if they don't want it to change themselves. Have you talked to them, about any of this?
no subject
Date: 2017-12-30 08:38 am (UTC)I've tried, but I don't know how. She doesn't seem to understand why it is that- that this matters.
[Matters to Glacius. Not to him. Kate can do what she wants if you ask Carlisle.]
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Date: 2017-12-30 08:40 am (UTC)[Which is understandable, considering the very clear implication of how Carlisle said it to Lance.]
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Date: 2017-12-30 08:47 am (UTC)[His impersonation of Kate could be better, but he's too busy trying not to start coughing again; that itch at the back of his throat refuses to rest.]
Or maybe she'll say nothing and let me stew over this a while longer. And if she dies or vanishes from this city, she won't have to see the sorrow of those who believe they've failed her.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-30 11:13 pm (UTC)She might do any one of those things, but isn't it worth it to try to get her to understand? She may not realize the stress she's causing you, or she may but see it as over-protectiveness or an insult rather than genuine concern for her. Or she may truly believe it's unwarranted or unreasonable, in which case it's important to understand why she thinks that.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-30 11:30 pm (UTC)It's not me who is stressed over this. It's- it's that my partner would worry. That's all.
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Date: 2017-12-31 12:13 am (UTC)[He's agreeing just to placate Carlisle; he totally doesn't believe there isn't some personal concern in there.]
Have they spoken with her themselves?
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Date: 2017-12-31 12:19 am (UTC)[Things he should ask Glacius more about: that.]
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Date: 2017-12-31 12:25 am (UTC)[Also having all of them living together with such an issue lingering sounds like it might've been... Difficult.]
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Date: 2017-12-31 12:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-12-31 12:32 am (UTC)[So if Carlisle is really not bothered by this personally, then he'll have to just accept what they've worked out. Not that Lance believes that's the case, though.]
no subject
Date: 2017-12-31 12:38 am (UTC)I suppose.
[His gaze falls to his hands once more as he fights that urge to argue. He came here for advice, and he got it. What more does he want?]
Thank you, doctor. I didn't mean to interrupt your day with something so seemingly inconsequential.
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