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[lifetothefullest]

@lance.sweets | ■ ▲ ◌ ▼

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[notathreat]

[Ellie comes back to herself before he talks, flashing him a small smile. It's not quite weak, but she picks out the hesitancy in Lance's smile, too. He's looking even more on edge than he did after his death, and for a second her eyes sharpen- hard, protective, before she lets it go.]

I can see you coming a mile away with those shoes.

[She gets to her feet, tilting her head. There's a park nearby, not as populated as the street, and cooler by the river even if there's more bugs.]

[lifetothefullest]

[He watches her expression, something that's automatic by now, but he's so drained at this point that he's not entirely sure how to interpret anything and so he just make mental note.

But as for her remark about his beloved shoes--]

Saves me having to yell to get someone's attention at a distance.

[As though he ever yells even for that reason, but whatever. It's something easy and casual to say as he starts in the direction she's indicated.

He lets silence fall briefly, as they make their way to somewhere less populated and where they're less likely to be overheard, though he still keeps his voice quiet when he does speak up.]

You saw the talk about the safehouse, right?

[Considering the question she'd asked him and all.]

[notathreat]

[Ellie smiles back about the shoe comment; she's obviously giving him shit. She puts her hands in her pockets as they walk together, falling into companionable silence.

It's good to see him, even if things suck.]

Sure did. Both the newcomers freaking out about it and El showing up. Did we finally have somebody get hurt?

[lifetothefullest]

No, thankfully.

[That would be one of those worst-case scenarios, which he's worried about, but thankfully not the problem this time. It might be simpler to deal with if it was, though.

As it is, he hesitates, not sure suddenly what he wants to say. It feels... Wrong, for some reason, like he's causing problems by doing so. But he's also aware that's ridiculous, he has absolutely no reason to avoid telling her--not like Ellie's going to fly off the handle or something and make things worse, or any other real concern that would warrant otherwise--and so after a moment he does continue even if he's not looking at her as he does so.]

But Gaby did message me to tell me that if I keep causing problems for Morningstar she'll cut off all the Displaced.

[But, to be fair--]

As far as I know the threat's hollow; Stephen said that El has no intention of doing something like that.

[notathreat]

[Ellie's reaction is immediate, somewhere between disbelief and anger, and she just- mutters a curse, reaching up to cover her face with both hands, drag her palms down her cheeks with a loud groan.]

What the fuck lead to that? 'Cause unless I'm missing something serious, that's a hell of a leap-

[She might be somewhat biased by being Lance's friend, and having been one of the people unhappy with the safehouse setup, but she's sure she's not that biased.]

[lifetothefullest]

[He watches her reaction in quick glances, chewing on his lip a moment before he catches himself doing it. As for the question he hesitates, because yes and no, and as much as he appreciates her being instantly on his side about this he also doesn't want it to be because he's misleading her intentionally or otherwise.]

I mean, she didn't like me before when I asked questions on the network or talked about this issue previously, and then I don't think I told you about what happened when I tried to take one of the new arrivals for a walk just before the Aerie happened. But those weren't like... We didn't like each other, but it was personal between us, not some sort of threat to Morningstar as a whole. I didn't say anything about them to the new arrivals this time; there weren't any private conversations or anything else that you might've missed since we got back from the Aerie.

[And sure, the new arrivals upset about their situation could easily figure out that Morningstar's involved, but they didn't need Lance for that by any means. It's all obvious, public information amongst the Displaced.]

[notathreat]

[Ellie forces out a long, frustrated sigh, trying to let her temper cool down. She doesn't know Gaby, has only seen her through this lens, but it's a highly fucking unflattering one.]

Okay, so... what happened when you tried to take one of the new arrivals for a walk?

[The better to have all the information, even if most of her has already made up her mind about how fucked this is. She can't help it.]

[lifetothefullest]

She pulled my access to the safehouse door, which meant I was locked in until she was done lecturing me. Then she gave it back long enough for me to leave.

[Kind of an abbreviated and slightly bitter summary of events, but accurate enough that he doesn't feel like he's misrepresenting it.]

[notathreat]

[Just hearing it makes her hackles rise, and Ellie presses her teeth together, her fingers fisting hard in her pockets. She can imagine that Lance handled the situation better than Ellie ever would have, and it's more than infuriating. It's the type of shit that terrifies her; being trapped and unable to leave. Knowing that Gaby could do that to any one of them at any point, and they'd have no recourse, especially when she was willing to threaten to pull her help from the other Displaced when one of them misbehaved, is not a comforting prospect.

It's a huge power imbalance, one all too easily abused, and Ellie is highly familiar with systems like it.]

I'm glad she got pulled.

[Ellie's voice simmers with anger, and it's not a good, wholesome sort of anger.]

[lifetothefullest]

[Lance had, of course, already been opposed to the way the safehouse was run before this happened, because of the reasons he'd tried to explain recently; he's worried about the stress it puts on new arrivals, and about the ethical issue of deciding any of them have the right to hold someone against their will even for 'their own good'. Those issues on their own would've been enough to prompt the latest discussion.

But in the background had also been this particular incident. There had been the sickening twist of fear that he'd felt the moment he realized the door wouldn't open, before he'd been able to remind himself that there was no danger of being truly stuck there because he had people he could contact, and it would be okay. There was the realization that maybe the Displaced weren't actually able to make their own choices about their own people after all. There was the very overt demonstration of being willing to hold not just a new arrival--who at the very least there's that whole argument about the reasons for--but an established Displaced against their will, and he wonders what would've happened if he'd refused to agree to just leave quietly.

All of that had been a part of why he'd decided to approach the issue so publicly in the way he had just recently, because then if there was retaliation everyone would know why. He hadn't really thought it would be something so drastic, but just in case, that had been part of the plan.

It's validating that Ellie is angry on his behalf, and clearly finds this as unacceptable as he does, but he's concerned about what's below it. For now, bringing the emotion down is probably the best choice, so he responds softly and with a calm he doesn't really feel.]

So am I. It's likely only temporary, but hopefully this is all worked out before she returns. I'm going to talk to El.

[Which is an utterly terrifying thought, but he's trying to trust Quentin's assessment that it'll be alright.]

[notathreat]

[Lance speaks quietly, calmly, but Ellie doesn't buy that for a second. She pulls back on her anger, pressing it down into a simmering coal, swallows it back. Ellie carries a lot of types of anger, some explosive and fleeting, some long-remembered and long-tended, multidimensional.]

I won't trust Morningstar for shit if they put her in charge of us again.

[It's a blunt statement, but one Ellie has no compunctions about saying. It's not just about what she did, it's about who she did it to.]

El's easier to work with.

[lifetothefullest]

I've heard El is a lot better, yeah.

[But Lance has never spoken to El, since he's afraid of what Gaby might've said about him, and about the possibility of El being automatically against him because of it. Although Quentin's convinced him to give it a try, and Stephen's assured him that El won't go through with Gaby's threat, Lance is still very nervous about it; hearing Ellie also speak favorably, if even just a little, is also encouraging.

But as for her first comment, he crosses his arms loosely and sighs.]

I think that's more a Displaced decision, and I doubt enough people will agree that they don't want her back.

[notathreat]

[Ellie nods; especially since El recognized that Gaby needed to step away. She looks up at Lance again as they walk, the corner of her mouth twisting, eyebrows lifting as she gives a gusty sigh.]

Seems like she has enough friends, yeah.

Unless she's been pulling this shit on the down-low with other people and they just haven't been talking.

[Which is a depressing but realistic prospect.]

[lifetothefullest]

[Definitely depressing, and definitely all too realistic.]

I hope that if that is the case, they might know that they can talk to me.

[Another side benefit to having been so public about his opinions. He'd done it primarily in hopes of giving the new arrivals the confidence of knowing an established Displaced was on their side, and therefore encourage them to be able to speak up, but if there are other people who have been having problems and are unsure if someone might help them then maybe they'll know otherwise now. He hopes, though, that there's no one else.]

The sense I've gotten here is that people are generally kept in line through simple social pressure. But when that doesn't work, no one's actually prepared and so they make snap decisions.

[He doesn't say Gaby specifically here because he does mean it in general; it's a pattern he's noticed from several people at this point. It's also a pattern that can be very dangerous.]

[notathreat]

[It's something else that Ellie never considered. Even in Jackson she hadn't gone to others with her problems. She'd self-governed and self-parented, much as Maria and Joel and Tommy had tried where they could.

She was just too used to solving her problems by herself, used to not being believed or having anyone on her side, no matter how much she asked for help. Now, it was so ingrained, she clung to that security. If she only relied on herself, no one could let her down.

It had never even occurred to her to ask anyone's help, after what happened with Callisto.

Ellie presses her fingernails into the palms of her hands; Lance thought of that. To protect other people. Even if it made him a target.]

Smart.

[The word's almost a whisper, but she means it.]

I mean- it can. But there's a lot of people who keep their mouths shut and stay out of things, and that doesn't mean they don't have an opinion.

[Joel, for instance.]

[lifetothefullest]

[She's clearly thinking something over, and something related to the first part of what he said. It isn't too difficult to take a guess from what he does know about her, from how guarded and cautious she was when they first met and how much so she still is, and how independent she seems. It's easy to recognize not just because he's a psychologist, but because he knows what it's like; he's had the opportunity and help he needed to move past it, but even then he often finds himself right back in that mindset all the same.

Directly calling her out on it probably wouldn't be helpful, and so he doesn't; instead, he'll hope that she also knows she can talk to him if she needs help, not just about this situation but any other.]

Yeah, I'm sure there are, especially if they're just not interested in getting all the backlash. But it's difficult to get a sense of who they are and how many there might be, and if they're staying out of things then as far as the people in power are concerned, it's all the same to them.

[They aren't being challenged, and that's what matters to them.]

[notathreat]

[Ellie gives a nod, a muscle working in her jaw. She's quiet for a time as they walk, thinking it over. Comparing and contrasting this to what she's seen, trying to ignore how many times she's seen it go horribly wrong. More than once, she starts to say something, then lets it drop before the words fully form.

They walk along the riverbank, and as they get closer, the power comes back on in one of the structurally damaged buildings nearby. They can hear distant cheering. Ellie turns toward it, then reaches up to brush her hair back out of her face, where it's coming loose from the tie. Futile effort.]

Hey, Lance?

Why'd you decide on your job?

[lifetothefullest]

[He can tell she's thinking about saying something and doesn't mind giving her the time to do so, taking the opportunity to give himself time to try to relax a little; a lot has happened in a short span of time and he's both tense and exhausted, and has to remember to ground himself.

The lights turning on in a nearby building and the sound of people celebrating helps in that, and he also glances that direction; the cheering is nice to hear, something positive in the midst of everything going on, and he can't help but smile just the smallest amount. Not everything's so bad right now after all.

When Ellie does speak, the question isn't really one he's expecting. It also isn't one he has an easy answer to, though that's not actually true; he has an easy answer to his primary job, the real one, but that's not the one she knows about. And so he can either explain around it, or he can tell her the truth, and at this point he decides to do the latter.]

I became an FBI agent kind of by accident. I was in the field a lot with my coworker, Booth, and I didn't want him to have to protect me, so I decided to become an agent both so that I'd be able to take care of myself and so that I could look out for him in return.

[And, because the obvious question is there--]

Criminal profilers are often agents, but not always, and I kind of ended up in that job by accident too. I'm primarily a psychologist, and that's the job I actually chose, because I wanted to help people.

[It's a really simple answer when it comes down to it. There is, of course, much more to the decision, to why he'd felt so driven to help people, and why he'd felt it in this particular way instead of becoming a medical doctor or something, but those aren't things he typically shares and they aren't necessary to answer the question.]

[notathreat]

[Ellie listens, a flicker of a smile lingering on her face, too, as she takes a seat near the river. The ground's damp from the near-constant rain, but not enough to soak her clothes or anything. The river doesn't smell like the ones back home, but with all the greenery and wildlife, it's much closer now.

She listens to Lance, drawing up one leg to rest her forearm across it, watching Lance's face -- she remembers Booth from Lance's dream, all too well.

It's not actually that surprising to hear that Lance is a psychologist. She's never actually met one, not really. They seemed mythical, like something out of stories. People who were paid to listen to other people's problems. No wonder he's so used to taking them on.]

What made you wanna help people, do you think?

[lifetothefullest]

[He hesitates only briefly before sitting down next to her, the part of him that's a professional adult who doesn't really sit on the ground pretty much immediately defeated by the part of him that absolutely doesn't care about that sort of thing. The latter part also makes him want to get closer to the water, just because he can, but fortunately he's able to control that. For now, anyway.

And then of course she asks the next obvious question, and he's immediately faced with the decision of whether to evade it, be vague, tell the truth, or a combination of the latter with either of the former. It's a combination that he settles on, vague but still enough of an answer to show he's willing to trust her, though his gaze is fixed out over the water as he responds.]

I saw how much a person's life could change, even just from something as simple as someone being willing to listen to them.

[Which nicely makes a full circle with their conversation from earlier.]

[notathreat]

[It's something simple, but it makes so much sense. It's a very Lance answer, too. Ellie doesn't fight the small, wry smile that comes as she picks a small pebble out of the dirt of the riverbank, and hurls it forward into the water. It's moving slow enough for it to skip to the other bank.

Even if Lance doesn't share everything or go into detail, it says a lot of things more than eloquently.]

Got anybody to listen to you now?

[It's a question, but also an open invitation. Ellie can't say that she's the best or most helpful person to use as a sounding board, but she can try.]

[lifetothefullest]

[Lance watches her skip the rock, vaguely impressed; he's always been terrible at skipping rocks, despite his dad doing his best to teach him one day during a hiking trip when he was ten or so. He never had gotten any better at it, but maybe he should try learning again.

The question earns a faint smile and he does look over at her this time.]

I torment Nate, occasionally. Do you really want to join him in that misery?

[He's certainly not promising to actually talk--there are so many reasons why he usually doesn't in general--but he appreciates the offer nonetheless.]

1/2

[notathreat]

[Ellie picks at another of the rocks, getting dirt under her fingernails, weighing it in her palm and returning Lance's thoughtful look. She doesn't point out his smile, almost worried she'll scare it away.]

God, you're so fucking dramatic.

[Shaking her head, she can't help but grin at him as she works the rock in her fingers, worrying over the smooth, semi-flattened river stone. There is true fondness there, though, and she doesn't much bother disguising it.]

2/2

[notathreat]

Look, you said it to me. That you'd be willing to listen.

[Lifting her shoulders, Ellie tilts her head to one side, and glances back down at the rock in her hand. Her voice is quiet, but sincere.]

And you're right. Someone's life can change. Through simple stuff like that.

[lifetothefullest]

[At her first comment Lance makes a small gesture toward himself, mouthing 'me?' with a fake look of shock as he does so, but he soon drops it in favor of copying her grin. That fades a little as she continues, though not in a bad way, just growing slightly more somber.]

Thank you.

[It's quiet too, but also very genuine. Just making the offer is kind of her, especially with how reserved she seems to be with all the emotional sorts of stuff, so he appreciates it even if he doesn't know if he'll ever really take her up on it.

But he doesn't want to make her feel self-conscious about putting herself out there either, so after a few moments of deliberation he does decide to say something, even if he keeps it somewhat surface level for now.]

I'm okay, just... Everything kind of sucks, even since before the Aerie, and this latest problem is a lot on top of it all. I'm just trying to sort through it.