[IC Inbox | Meadowlark]

[lifetothefullest]

@lance.sweets | ■ ▲ ◌ ▼

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[lifetothefullest]

[A short delay, and then--]

Okay, so I understood most of those words individually, but I'm going to have to trust that you're not dihydrogen-monoxiding me or something with the chemicals and just nod and agree.

[wittingly]

the dangers of dihydrogen-monoxide aren't a joke, Lance.

[lifetothefullest]

Sorry, you're right, serious issue.

[wittingly]

Thank you
I've been fighting for that cause almost as hard as GMOs

anyway, I'll wheel it over sometime tomorrow

[lifetothefullest]

Thanks. Give me like a half an hour heads up if you can whenever you're on your way, so I can make sure to actually be there.

[Since he's kind of... Everywhere lately.]

[wittingly]

alternatively I could fling open your doors unannounced and accidentally catch you jerking off to really cement the bond of our friendship

that's how we did it in college

[lifetothefullest]

Or you could not do that.

I was underage in college, so my roommates were very careful with their knocking.

[He will turn this awkwardness back on you so far, Ian.]

[wittingly]

wait what

( good job it worked )

[lifetothefullest]

[Excellent, he's still got it.]

Which part?

[wittingly]

The part about being underage in college
do you mean like
17 years old during freshman year
I doubt it or you wouldn't bring it up
Spill it, man

[lifetothefullest]

I was fourteen when I started undergrad, because I was that particular brand of annoying nerd.

[wittingly]

oh my GOD
holy FUCK lance
if I were you I'd be, like, putting that in a disclaimer at the bottom of every network post
that would be like part of my introduction
Hi I'm Dr Lance Sweets and I went to college at 14
all I get is 'oooo I taught at Berkeley' except that it was actually just guest lecturing because you can't be the real deal until you have a doctorate but that's like way too long to put on a business card
that's fucking adorable
oh my god
I bet you were like the mascot
did you go to ragers like a miscreant

[lifetothefullest]

I appreciate the sentiment, but can you can you imagine how much extra people would hate me if I added that to my posts? Though then again maybe people would stop trying to explain psychology to me, so it could be worth it.

Teaching at Berkeley is still an achievement, no matter what your official title.

I may have attended a party or two, yeah. And it might've been super illegal to participate as much as I did, although it was in Canada, so the drinking was slightly less illegal than it would've been in the US.

[The drugs weren't any less illegal, but no need to mention that.]

[wittingly]

Oh man they'd hate you so much more, but I feel like at this point it would be kind of worth it. At least you'd have the satisfaction.

I am so proud of you


But really though man I don't know how you're doing it
I mean, if somebody tried to mansplain how a drill worked to me I wouldn't be able to sit on it for two seconds

[lifetothefullest]

You know, when you put it that way it's actually really tempting.

Thanks, had to get to work early earning that leather jacket.

To be honest, I write so many responses that I have to be very careful to make sure I don't accidentally brain-send. Like, I know I can be condescending, but the level people have been reaching--especially lately--are kind of painful. Did you know there are people on Earth that need help because they're traumatized?

[Obviously sarcasm is obvious, though after a brief hesitation he's a little more serious as he continues.]

I'm getting a little worried about how many people feel the need to try to explain empathy to me.

[Or, more specifically, accuse him of having the wrong priorities or not caring enough, but he isn't quite going into that just yet.]

[wittingly]

The fucking leather jacket

Maybe if you start wearing that and being condescending people will actually listen to you for a change. That kind of seems like the trend.

Honestly, my hot take is you have yourself so under control and so collected they assume it means you don't feel anything. There's a difference between emotionlessness and self-awareness, and the ability to separate yourself from your feelings for what's important in the moment.

Have you tried emojis

[lifetothefullest]

Maybe that really is what I'm missing. Do you think I could still keep the light-up shoes if I switch out the hoodie for the leather jacket?

[But jokes aside, that next bit of response is reassuring. Lance is normally a good judge of what a situation really is, and is able to maintain his sense of confidence that he's doing the right thing no matter what someone tells him, but that's difficult when it's so often and so constant.

But it's also mostly from people who don't actually know him, and he's much more inclined to listen to Ian's assessment. So it's good to hear, and helps confirm that even if he's not handling everything perfectly, maybe he doesn't need to wonder in the middle of the night if he's suddenly turned into a terrible person.

And then that last part makes him laugh a little, and he debates just how stupid of a story Ian is going to get as a reward for such a question.]

Thanks. I appreciate it.

I had an emoji phase, but my coworkers weren't super enthusiastic about my girlfriend and I shouting 'less-than-three' or 'colon-capital-P' at each other across a room.

[wittingly]

Light-up shoes are badass so pair those with whatever the fuck you want man.

( And he only means that half ironically. Live your life, Lance. He'd wear them. )

Wait
Is that not how normal people express their emotions?
Fuck, no wonder I've been ruining all my relationships

colon apostrophe left parenthesis

[lifetothefullest]

I'm glad someone else here has good taste.

Apparently not, though then again my coworkers weren't exactly great at relationships either, so maybe they were the ones who were wrong.

overline-backslash-underscore-left parenthesis-tsu-right parenthesis-underscore-forwardslash-overline

[wittingly]

woah woah woah, no need to get vulgar

[lifetothefullest]

Don't be jealous just because I have the best emoji memorized.

[wittingly]

you got me, I had to run through that like fifteen times