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[lifetothefullest]

@lance.sweets | ■ ▲ ◌ ▼

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[evocation]

Ren wasn't? Yeah, I know.

[She's not entirely sure why he's bringing that up.]

He didn't want me taking the heat for it.

[lifetothefullest]

Which is nice of him, but it isn't exactly unusual for people to disagree and so I'm not entirely sure why he thought he needed to get involved. Still, he seemed to think it was necessary, and apparently so does Akechi; at least Ren came to me directly, but it looked like Akechi thought it would be better to just be unnecessarily aggressive on the network.

[Which he's not super impressed with. It isn't exactly appropriate to be getting involved in disagreements between friends, especially when you really only know one of them and they'd already talked about it and more or less resolved the problem.]

[evocation]

Yeah, I get it, and I'm not saying you shouldn't be frustrated. But I'm not his keeper either, you know? I don't even think Akechi likes me that much.

[lifetothefullest]

Even if he doesn't, he seems very invested in making sure you don't like me or Ian.

[Which is one of those big flashing warning signs that Lance knows to look for in how people interact. In this case it might just be an angry teenager with no deeper motive, but it's still worth being aware of.]

And since he brought up the disagreement between you and Ian specifically in their conversation, that's the most likely reason why.

[evocation]

[Kyna's head tilts, nose wrinkling. She hadn't considered that at all, and it throws her.]

Wait, that's what you think he's doing? Why would he care?

[lifetothefullest]

There are a few reasons, but I don't know him well enough to actually take a real guess.

[And while he can speculate, and as annoyed as he is at Akechi, this is also a teenager with clear emotional issues and so it feels out of line to just be throwing out those possible reasons without enough evidence.]

But people don't usually get that malicious without some sort of reason, and if it isn't because he likes and wants to defend you, then the next most obvious reason seems to be that he wants you to dislike us. And maybe I'm wrong, but it's something you should be aware of.

[And therefore possibly take his accusations with skepticism.]

[evocation]

Okay.

[She's still mulling it over, trying to parse out why Akechi would have reason to do that. She's not sure she can think of one, and she's not sure Akechi cares enough about her to care what she thinks of Lance and Ian.]

He's not going to convince me if that's what he's doing, just so you know.

[lifetothefullest]

[He watches her a moment, tapping his fingers against his drink, trying to decide if he wants to say what he's thinking. But he's told her when they discussed the Riverstone incident that it was best to just get right to the problem, and so he decides to bring it up.]

Are you sure? You didn't seem to disagree with much of what he was saying.

[evocation]

[Kyna sighs. Part of her is starting to wonder if everyone would have been happier if she'd just yelled at Akechi, even though it didn't get Nate or Rey or anyone else anywhere with him.]

I did disagree with him on a lot of it, actually, and I told him so. But I also agree that people seem skittish about this whole god thing. A lot of the people who have been here the longest seem to think it's true, or are fine with it. And I agree that the scientific routes are a waste of time.

[But, maybe the more salient point—]

I didn't see the point in starting another huge argument that would make him shut down when like, ten other people had already done that to him on the post. I've been here six months and that's never worked on him, but people keep doing it like his reaction's gonna change.

[lifetothefullest]

[He's quiet, not bothering to argue the first point; it's okay if she doesn't agree on the subject of gods or science or whatever else, and it really isn't the issue at hand.

So instead, once she's finished, he responds to the second part of what she said.]

Of course his reaction won't change. That isn't the point.

[No one's going to convince Akechi of anything he doesn't want to believe, and that's pretty clear to Lance now; he'd thought maybe they could have a debate with different viewpoints, but that doesn't seem to be the case.]

The point is that I wouldn't just brush off someone very obviously twisting the truth in order to accuse you of something you didn't do.

[And, by extension, he's somewhat hurt that she seems to have just ignored the worst of what Akechi said, especially when it was clearly untrue, just to continue talking about the semantics of gods and magic. But, more than that, there's a quiet part of him that can't even be as upset as he probably would normally be, because he feels like he should've expected this at some point; not necessarily from her, but just in general.]

[evocation]

I wasn't—

[She cuts herself off, sighing again, but this time it's less clear if she's annoyed at herself or the situation.]

I wasn't trying to brush it off, I just... I'm trying to be better about dealing with this shit, you know? Everyone's always getting pissed off on the network and that's how I've always been too, but it just... It only ever made things worse for me.

[One of her former foolproof methods of torpedoing relationships was letting herself sink into her anger or hurt and either picking fights or just making them a thousand times worse. She's finally reaching a place where it seems scarier to self-sabotage than to work through things, which is sadly new.]

I know I didn't... I don't know. I didn't shut down his insults hard enough, but... I was trying to handle it better.

[lifetothefullest]

[That... Makes some level of sense, and puts a few things together; she was trying a new tactic, and not just genuinely completely unbothered by what was being said. Okay. Still not great, but it definitely changes things a little.

So he's quiet again while he considers that, and what she said, and how he wants to address it. What he really wants to do is down the rest of his drink, but that's probably a bad idea and he resists for the moment as he figures out what to say.]

There's a line that you have to find. Not just between being reactionary and handling things more calmly, but in what you're willing to entertain as valid conversation. By engaging with him like that, and not making it clear where you stand, you're offering legitimacy to what he says, and not just to him but to anyone else who might see this discussion.

[evocation]

[Yeah, she's not going to argue that she's an expert at this shit. She chews on her lip for a moment.]

How should I have handled it?

[lifetothefullest]

[Okay, now he's finishing his drink, and considering another one.]

I can tell you how I would've done it, but I can't say how you should have.

[evocation]

[She's not sure if that's a good or bad answer.]

Okay. Tell me.

[lifetothefullest]

"It's clear you're more interested in insults and twisting the truth to suit your needs than in having a discussion, so we're done."

[That's the long version, and he offers a second choice--]

Or, if I wanted to be less confrontational, "I don't think this discussion is going to go anywhere." And then just not responding any further.

[It would really depend on his mood which he would've chosen.]

[evocation]

So you wouldn't talk to him, is what you're saying.

[lifetothefullest]

Considering where talking to him has gotten me, that seems like the wise choice.

[It's flat and not without some level of annoyance, though he offers soon after--]

Maybe, if I was feeling particularly patient, I would've asked if he wanted to have a conversation or just be insulting and then give him a chance to choose the former.

[But he doesn't think he would've been feeling particularly patient if Akechi had been talking about one of his friends like that, and then having the conversation he'd had with Ian with another friend as well.]

[evocation]

I know what you mean, but... The way Nate handled it only made things worse. The same thing happened with Rey and Yennefer and Ian. And I've been seeing people try those same things over and over with him since I got here. That's why I tried something different, and when I was talking to him later, when I told him to lay off the insults, he didn't react to me the same way he did with everyone else. I don't know if he's actually going to listen, but we had an actual conversation where we were disagreeing and he wasn't shouting me down.

[She thinks the lecturing is probably the difference. Nate telling him to "chill" and "take a walk", Dean doing his Dean thing, she can see how that would just read as condescending to him and make him even more aggressive. She was never quite as acerbic as Akechi, but in her angriest periods, those reactions would have made her shut down, too.]

He's just a kid, and he's important to Ren. They've had a really rough time at home and here. It feels weird to just write him off, you know?

[lifetothefullest]

So he decided not to be entirely horrible to you because you gave him what he wanted.

[He knows better than to say it, but a brief flash of anger and other more deep-seated and difficult emotions he doesn't want to work with prompts him to do so anyway; his voice is cold more than anything else as he continues.]

If that's how you'd like to deal with him, then that's your choice.

[But he's not in the habit of doing that; not anymore, anyway, now that he can make that choice. He sets his glass on the counter and picks up his jacket again.]

I'm going for a walk.

[Which may or may end with him returning any time soon.]

[evocation]

You know, everyone always gives me shit for not being able to handle crap, but in the past few days, it's been everyone else shutting down on me.

[If he was expecting a more aggressive version of Kyna, like the one he saw frequently back in Hadriel, now he gets it. It feels like he's doing that condescending thing again, like she's being treated like an idiot. She stands up, making an impulsive grab for the jacket.]

You weren't actually listening to me, because I didn't give Akechi what he wanted. I didn't agree with him about you guys, and I kept coming back to the fact that he was being a dick. Maybe you guys could take two fucking seconds to think about why he decided to have a conversation with me when he was already angry and stop acting like I burned our fucking best friend bracelet.

[lifetothefullest]

[He doesn't fight her for the jacket--he doesn't need it anyway--and his voice is quiet and even, but not because he's calm.]

And maybe you should think for a moment about why this is the reaction you're getting.

[He doesn't feel like refuting any of the rest of what she said, at this point just completely uninterested in even trying; he can distantly recognize he's too upset to continue trying to discuss this productively, and he really just wants to be somewhere other than here. So unless she intervenes again, he's going for the door.]

[evocation]

[Of course she's going to intervene, because somehow, he's managed to trigger frustration that's been mounting in her since she got back. It's the lingering mess with her father back home, her damaged relationship with her brother, this stupid Riverstone bullshit, constantly feeling like no matter how hard she tries, someone has an issue with her. It's that old "can't do anything right" insecurity cranked up to 11.

So she drops the jacket to the floor, moves to step in front of him instead.]

What do you want from me? Do you actually want to understand what happened, or do you just want me to tell some kid to fuck off every time he talks to me? I don't even like him, and you're acting like I was groveling to get his approval.

[lifetothefullest]

I want some hint that you care at all about--

[And he stops, more because he can't find words than because he intends to, closing his eyes a moment and trying to get control over his emotions. The rush of anger that had just been present is rapidly fading, being replaced with the lower, nauseating combination of fear and resignation that appears as calm when he tries to speak again.]

We're not getting anywhere. Could you move?

[evocation]

I do care.

[It comes out as a sort of desperate emotional outburst, her voice quavering at the end. She doesn't understand why people are viewing this as her turning against them. She doesn't understand how her intentions can be so completely misconstrued by people she cares for and trusts so deeply.

Maybe if she were calmer, she wouldn't care about that tremble in her voice, but right now she's regressed to her old instinctive humiliation at any show of vulnerability. Emotion other than anger is too easy for people to use against you, too easy for people to seize on to crush you. Suddenly, she can't look at him, too overcome by that old, longstanding fear that she isn't actually worth understanding to anyone.]

Fine. Just leave.

[She hates that she still can't keep her voice steady, that it comes out hurt rather than the uncaring dismissal she was aiming for. He does get what he wants, though—she steps aside.]