lifetothefullest | [IC Inbox]

[Rosen's eyes narrow, a canine abusing the corner of his mouth in a subconscious echo of Lance's. It's almost like he doesn't comprehend what he's being told.]

Right now?

Yes. Right now. When was the last time you left the apartment?

[He's guessing the answer is in terms of days at this point.]

When did the cave become the cave again?

[His gaze remains steady on Lance]

Three days or so.

[Definitely time to go outside. But that's also an opening to ask--]

Is there something about the event itself that particularly upset you?

[Because this behavior would've begun before realizing Frisk and Sans are gone, if it's been since the event.]

[Lee rolls the question around before slowly shaking his head]

No. I was...I was happy.

[Though maybe that is part of the problem]

[Lance understands that, nodding a little in thought.]

Do you miss that life?

I don't think 'miss it' is the right way to say it. It's just that, um, in that version of things I hadn't made the mistakes I had-er-have in this one.

[His fingers fiddle uncomfortably with the seam of his pocket]

I was married, it was a happy relationship. [He quickly amends that statement] that is, according to the illusion, of course. And I helped people. I wasn't--

[Selfish. Isolated.]

--you know. [Me.]

[He understands that as well, at least enough to get why Rosen might feel conflicted about the experience.]

It was a look at what could have been, instead of what is.

[That's a concept Lance has been dealing with a lot recently, although more in terms of the future than the past.]

But 'what is' is what we have, so come on. Get up. Besides, I don't think it's quite as bad as it seems like it is right now.

[Rosen does help people, and sure, the Rosen in that alternate reality hadn't made the same mistakes but Lance is willing to bet that he also didn't know as much, or learned as many important lessons. Lance knows he hadn't himself.]

[Rosen doesn't answer immediately, instead slowly stretching out one long spindly leg then the other, and pushing himself up off the floor. He stands hunched a moment, looking more like an arthritic 70 yr old than the spry 60 yr old he normally is.]

I'm not sure being married to Regis counts as a 'what could have been'

[The expression he gives lands is one of dead seriousness masking sarcasm. Its also a shortcut of sneaking in another issue he's been blindsided by for the past few days.]

[Come on, old man. Getting moving will help.

Lance raises his eyebrows slightly at Rosen for his comment, reading the undertones of it but also glad that he can manage sarcasm.]

I meant the happily married part in general, not specifically to Regis, although that could still have been. It would just have taken somewhat more drastic changes, like dimensional travel.

[He says it matter-of-factly, not bringing up the issue he's pretty sure Rosen's actually getting at; again it's better for Rosen to say it himself.]

[Rosen trusts Lance's skills of perception and assumes for the most part the man is picking up whatever hints he's dropping, and for the moment thats all he's prepared to do. Hint. Suggest. But he's not surprised as someone who, at least at one point in his life, was a competent mental health professional when Lance is quietly insistent on having Rosen set the pace and standard of discussion.

Its what Lee would have done back when he could remember how to do all of this.

He reaches for a dark blue cardigan, tugging it on and buttoning it distractedly before looking to Lance]

Alright. Lead the way.

[Alright, so he isn't going to say anything just yet. That's fine; Lance mentally files the subject away for now, and focuses instead on the task of getting Rosen out of the house. At least he's moving now, and after he puts on the cardigan Lance leads the way from the apartment.

Once they're actually outside, he makes a dramatic show of opening his arms out wide and tipping his head back as if basking in the glow of the artificial light. Which is exactly what he's doing.]

Feel the fake cave-sun and the should-be staler than it actually is air. What a time to be alive.

[He says it with all the enthusiasm of a teenage goth, purposefully contrasting with his gestures.

Cheer up, Rosen.]

[At the start Rosen follows in the manner of the least eager dog being taken for a walk, trudging a few paces behind his younger counterpart before beginning to at least put in the effort to walk shoulder to shoulder with him.

When Lance makes a physical show of taking in their surroundings, Rosen leans his head back and stares upward very seriously. Intent on the cave ceiling. In a voice as flat as Lance's he remarks]

Did you know if you manage to get up there it actually says 'gullible' on the roof of the cave?

[Lance glances over at Rosen, grinning both at the comment and at the fact that Rosen made it.]

I would hope so, or someone who can fly or whatever is missing out on a great opportunity.

[Also he is definitely not looking.]

[Rosen hadn't really expected him to but the corner of his mouth quirks upward when Lance plays along with the joke.]

That was the first thing Sans ever said to me here.

[Admittedly someone attempting to play a prank on you is an odd thing to be nostalgic about, but Lee feels an uncomfortable yet familiar tightness in his chest thinking about it. He knows what the sadness of loss feel like when it rears its head in his life]

[Ah. Well, that makes the somewhat out of nowhere joke make sense. Lance is quiet a moment; he didn't know Sans that well, but he's spoken with the skeleton enough to be able to facilitate some reminiscing.]

The first thing he said to me involved making fun of my food choices.

[Which had been... Completely warranted, but Lance had been new, seriously hurt, and still under the impression things were a dream; all of that meant he was more than within his rights to eat muffins and nothing else at the feast. Right? Right.

And then grins, realizing something and adding as a joke--]

I guess you two had that in common. No wonder you got along.

[Lee is about to say something but the last comment catches him unprepared and he actually manages a low, weak but wholly real chuckle under his breath, the sound somewhat wheezy.]

Of the things we had in common, that would be one of the better ones.

[The amusement ebbs away almost as soon as it had come]

I take it the two of you never got that friendly then?

[Success, at least temporarily. Lance nods, tucking his hands in the pockets of his hoodie as he walks; he's steering them in the general direction of Delight's temple, so they can get some coffee.]

We didn't talk many times, although he was friendly enough when we did.

He helped me. And then we were unexpectedly thrown together over a mutual desire to help Frisk.

[His eyes sting a bit and he bites his lower lip as he mentions Frisk. That is a particularly hard blow.]

I....I wish I had been able to introduce the two of you. You and Frisk, I mean. I think you might have been able to help them much m-more than I ever-

[He breathes in sharply then settles on staring pointedly at his feet]

[Lance is quiet, listening, but he's more watching Rosen's reactions; he can see easily how hard this is hitting him.

But the last comment is a little unexpected, and he wants to say that he doubts that, or even that he doesn't work with children for a reason, but he thinks a question is more useful in this instance.]

Why do you say that?

[He means it more in terms of why Rosen thinks he couldn't help Frisk as much as Lance could, not why he would think Lance would be able to.]

I...I couldn't separate with Frisk. I mean-

[He sighs in frustration at the fact that his words are failing him right now]

-with everything about my own family, about Danielle... my emotions got in the way when it came to Frisk. I wanted desperately to help. To do anything for them. But I think my inability to take that professional step back, I think it hindered my actual ability to help them.

[Lee goes quiet before looking over at Lance]

Please don't misunderstand. Frisk was no replacement or stand in for my own child. For Danielle. Frisk was...is... a magnificent young person and my attachment to them is born from that. I cared for them in their own right. But my ability to act. To make choices for how to help and protect a child, that is where my abilities were crippled.

[Lance's very first, initial gut reaction is an uncharacteristically cold one; he wants to say he can't help with that, to just deal with it and grow up, and that as much as Lance does care about Rosen he still has very little sympathy for his inability to parent. That's something he should've dealt with before he had a kid, and before he tried dealing with other children.

But that's a reaction that's neither helpful to Rosen or to himself, and it's one that comes from emotions he doesn't care to encourage. So although he has to focus his gaze on the distance where they're walking instead of continuing with eye contact, his tone and words are measured and supportive.]

Don't discount how important it is just to know that someone cares. You may have done more for them than you realize.

That's not what I meant.

[Rosen goes back to staring in ahead]

There are things I know. That I was a safe refuge for Frisk. That they trusted and cared for me. That they entrusted me with their thoughts, their feelings, and with the care of their friends. As a friend. I was friend to them and them to myself. But that is not the kind of help I am talking about.

[He sighs, almost sounding angry but he's feeling torn. There are things he wishes he could tell lance. The discussion with Sans, the discussion with Frisk. The world of the Underground and the hellish timelines that skipped and scratched like old records. There was so much MORE that Frisk had needed than someone who cared ]

Just...Nevermind. I made them both a promise. I can't speak any more on it.

[It leaves a bad taste in his mouth holding it back, but he made the promise, and if Sans and Frisk should ever reappear, he didn't want it to be to betrayed friendships and broken promises]

[Lance is quiet, listening, trying to put together pieces and figure out what exactly Rosen is talking about, but having only spoken to Sans a few times and none at all to Frisk, there's only so much context he really has. When Rosen adds that he promised not to say anything more, Lance both understands--he knows things about people here that he can't say, for various reasons--and, guiltily, feels a little relieved to be able to drop the topic.

So he nods but doesn't respond, letting silence fall for now as he takes the time to sort out his thoughts and refocus on the point of this whole outing.]

You need a project.

[He finally declares this with great certainty, glancing over at Rosen.]

It's important to have something to focus on and accomplish.

[And getting to actually doing things again is one of the best ways to begin moving past a whole lot of different kinds of problems.]

[A project.]

Mn.

[For a long while he leaves it there. Just a sound in his throat before finally he nods slowly]

That is...possible.

[Though easier said than done.]

Yes. Yes I think you're right.

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