lifetothefullest | [IC Inbox]

[He listens, trying to decide if her view on the situation is objective or coloured by other experiences that have happened before or after, because it seems at odds with the entire... Killing someone thing. But he supposes there's the event's influence to consider as well, which adds an entire extra layer of confusion to the whole situation.

But he nods, showing he understands.]

Did something change, after that?

[Because, of course, it doesn't line up with Caroline's actions, and Elena's speaking in past tense; it could simply be from it having happened in the past, or it could mean it's over with.]

Things lightened. They didn't get any less weirder, but we were able to talk about Stefan and about her life. [ Things were better. ] Things were good.

[More positives. Normally, that would be good--and it still is in some regards--but it's kind of confusing knowing what he does.]

And then the recent event happened?

Yes.

[ He reads what happens well. She spells it out, true, but he sees underneath. ]

Do you think her actions were influenced by the effects of the event?

[Because that would make the most sense, with everything else going on, although Lance's own experience with the event makes it hard to believe it would be enough to cause someone to harm their friend. But maybe there were varying degrees to it.]

Yes. I don't think any part of what Caroline did was her. [ Her mouth remains open, knowing it contradicts what she said before as she gathers what she needs to clarify. ] What she said was her, but she would never have -- It was the event.

[For most things in Hadriel, Lance can relate general ideas to things he's familiar with even when specifics are different. But the effects of events is something he's having trouble with, at least in this situation, because his instinctive reaction is to treat it like any other mind-altering effect such as drinking or addition. In that case, although understanding and sensitivity are required, a person who acts under the influence is still very responsible for what they've done.

But it seems unfair to apply that here, where the gods' influences are not brought on voluntary choices. Is it really fair to hold someone accountable for what they did when influences against their will? How much control over themselves did they really have, through no fault of their own? Does it vary depending on the event, or even on the individual person within the same event?

If something like this were to have happened at home, and Elena were to say something like that, Lance would know exactly what to say even if saying it is never exactly easy. But now he's not so sure.]

The event definitely complicates things.

[That much he can say for sure, although it's really... Not helpful.]

Have you two spoken since the event ended?

[Because if so, how that went might offer some more insight that he can use. If not, that could also say something.]

This morning, but not since then. I - can't.

[ There's too much between them. Too much time, too much conflict. Differences they can't ignore anymore. ]

[He nods at that, understanding; whether or not what happened was really Caroline's fault, keeping some distance for awhile is probably a good idea.]

That's okay. Some time and space is likely the best thing for you right now, especially since you said everything is so amplified. You found a new place to stay?

[Because she'd said she moved out, but not necessarily that she'd moved into somewhere else.]

I'm staying at a friend's. I'm not angry at her, but reconciling what happened and what we weren't saying... Hadriel was the perfect distraction from Stefan, and from Damon, but, it's like I can't distract myself anymore because the feelings are right there. And, feeling that strongly - for either of them - makes it even harder knowing that I end up with Damon and Caroline has complications with Stefan. It's not fair to her or to me.

[Lance considers all of that for several seconds, a little thrown off mostly because it seems odd that Elena has spoken so much about Stefan and Damon and so little about what actually happened between her and Caroline. Being killed by your friend seems a little more important than who's dating who in the future, vampire-amplified emotions or not.

But then again, maybe it's not to her. Or maybe she's using thing as something to focus on instead of the other issue because it's easier. Or maybe there are aspects to this story he's not aware of which makes it all completely understandable.

He wonders, briefly, about who Daisy might end up dating eight years from now, and finds the idea a little strange to imagine but not upsetting. Or at least, not upsetting for the idea of his girlfriend dating someone else; Lance knows he's probably dead, and if so then he hopes Daisy does find someone else who loves her and will help her take care of the baby. She deserves to be happy, and his son deserves a father figure in his life.

But that's a very different situation, and not one Lance wants to think about too much. So he refocuses on the matter at hand, considering what to say; he has to choose his words carefully, not wanting to insult her or make any implication that her priorities seem slightly strange, but still try to sort that out.]

Neither Damon or Stefan are here, are they?

[He'll start off with that; although he's pretty certain it's just Elena and Caroline from their world here, it's worth making absolutely sure. He also wants to see if she draws any conclusions for herself just from him asking the question.]

No, they're not here, and I know that - [ She gets what he's trying to do, but it's hard enough putting how she feels into words, much less Lance. ] I can't do anything about it. How I feel. I wasn't ready to decide, or, I knew that I would have to, but I don't get the choice here. They're not here. All I hear is what happened secondhand. [ And it frustrates her. He can probably hear that. It frustrated her less overtly, but now with layers of amplified love, including feelings for Damon she knew she had but couldn't acknowledge... Do the math. ]

[He nods a little, understanding the sentiment at least.]

Being frustrated is... Completely warranted.

[Because this situation is a mess.]

But even if you know what's going to happen for certain, and even if it's not what you wanted, you do still have a choice here. Knowing an inevitability doesn't make the time in between less important, and no matter who you end up with in the future you still have the time to sort out--if you'd like to--what you feel while here. You don't even have to come to the same conclusion as you might in the future; the you here and now is just as valid and important as the you eight years in the future.

[If that makes sense; it's not like this is a situation that he knows the exact right way to put into words. But it comes down to the fact that knowing the ending doesn't make the middle any less important, which is something that he's very aware of due to his own situation.]

And if I were me, and not Elena, the newly turned vampire, I could, but all of these feelings are just boiling over. I can't shut them off. I don't know where one feeling ends and another begins, my anger, at everything, anguish I thought I'd felt, sadness from the hardest year I've ever been through, for people I've lost, for people I learn I'm going to lose...

You're still you, vampire or not.

[Sure, he understands that changing species--especially with the side effects she's explained--is a big deal, but it doesn't suddenly make her someone else entirely.

But it makes sense that she's having trouble sorting things out, especially because of the heightened emotions, and although his original plan had been to try to find a root issue and focus on it first he thinks now there might be a better idea.

His next question might seem a little out of nowhere, but there's a point to it.]

Have you ever tried keeping a journal?

[ Through the threat of newly formed tears, she bursts out laughing.

Excuse the girl who's feeling too many emotions as she works through the latest one bubbling up. When she finally tamps her reaction down, she leans over to grab a tissue, because tears and snot and laughter are not becoming of a lady and her eyes are starting to sting. (Mostly the last reason.) ]

All my life. I hid it behind a ceramic mermaid in my room. I've tried to write in it every day. You can imagine why I took the week off under the influence of Delight and Rage.

[Laughing through tears is, of course, not entirely uncommon reaction, but it can be for many reasons and initially he's concerned he might've said something that specifically upset her. But her answer reassures him a little that it was more just a response to the question being ridiculous in a way.

But the answer itself is a good one, and he smiles sympathetically.]

Yeah, that's understandable. But okay, good, then I probably don't have to tell you it's a really good way to sort out how you feel about something, even if it might just be a confusing mess before you start writing.

[He's also kept a journal for pretty much as long as he could write, and it's been a great help to him. It's definitely useful here.]

Confusing, mind-numbing...

[ Or the opposite, really, but in a way it just -- shorts her circuits. But this is still helping, someone listening. ]

Complicated, inscrutable, muddled, difficult, overwhelming...

[He can go on--he's good with synonyms--but he thinks the joke and show of understanding have both been made.]

There are blank books in the library that you can find if you look around a little, although you can also write on the phones. Try writing whatever comes to mind at first, not just specifically reflecting on the day.

[ A hand comes up, because yes. ]

Just - anything. Like, a free-write.

[Are you sure, Elena, because he has more. He can probably even go into Spanish or Latin a little.]

Exactly. Whatever thoughts are in your head, or even just descriptions of whatever you feel whether or not you know why you feel that way.

[Putting it into words often helps make the connection more clear, somehow, at least for him.]

Does everything count?

It counts, although you might also want to try identifying a least one major emotion factoring in.

[Because that'll help more.]

But ultimately it's your journal; write whatever comes to you.

[IC Inbox]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject