lifetothefullest | [IC Inbox]

[Lance glances over at Rosen, grinning both at the comment and at the fact that Rosen made it.]

I would hope so, or someone who can fly or whatever is missing out on a great opportunity.

[Also he is definitely not looking.]

[Rosen hadn't really expected him to but the corner of his mouth quirks upward when Lance plays along with the joke.]

That was the first thing Sans ever said to me here.

[Admittedly someone attempting to play a prank on you is an odd thing to be nostalgic about, but Lee feels an uncomfortable yet familiar tightness in his chest thinking about it. He knows what the sadness of loss feel like when it rears its head in his life]

[Ah. Well, that makes the somewhat out of nowhere joke make sense. Lance is quiet a moment; he didn't know Sans that well, but he's spoken with the skeleton enough to be able to facilitate some reminiscing.]

The first thing he said to me involved making fun of my food choices.

[Which had been... Completely warranted, but Lance had been new, seriously hurt, and still under the impression things were a dream; all of that meant he was more than within his rights to eat muffins and nothing else at the feast. Right? Right.

And then grins, realizing something and adding as a joke--]

I guess you two had that in common. No wonder you got along.

[Lee is about to say something but the last comment catches him unprepared and he actually manages a low, weak but wholly real chuckle under his breath, the sound somewhat wheezy.]

Of the things we had in common, that would be one of the better ones.

[The amusement ebbs away almost as soon as it had come]

I take it the two of you never got that friendly then?

[Success, at least temporarily. Lance nods, tucking his hands in the pockets of his hoodie as he walks; he's steering them in the general direction of Delight's temple, so they can get some coffee.]

We didn't talk many times, although he was friendly enough when we did.

He helped me. And then we were unexpectedly thrown together over a mutual desire to help Frisk.

[His eyes sting a bit and he bites his lower lip as he mentions Frisk. That is a particularly hard blow.]

I....I wish I had been able to introduce the two of you. You and Frisk, I mean. I think you might have been able to help them much m-more than I ever-

[He breathes in sharply then settles on staring pointedly at his feet]

[Lance is quiet, listening, but he's more watching Rosen's reactions; he can see easily how hard this is hitting him.

But the last comment is a little unexpected, and he wants to say that he doubts that, or even that he doesn't work with children for a reason, but he thinks a question is more useful in this instance.]

Why do you say that?

[He means it more in terms of why Rosen thinks he couldn't help Frisk as much as Lance could, not why he would think Lance would be able to.]

I...I couldn't separate with Frisk. I mean-

[He sighs in frustration at the fact that his words are failing him right now]

-with everything about my own family, about Danielle... my emotions got in the way when it came to Frisk. I wanted desperately to help. To do anything for them. But I think my inability to take that professional step back, I think it hindered my actual ability to help them.

[Lee goes quiet before looking over at Lance]

Please don't misunderstand. Frisk was no replacement or stand in for my own child. For Danielle. Frisk was...is... a magnificent young person and my attachment to them is born from that. I cared for them in their own right. But my ability to act. To make choices for how to help and protect a child, that is where my abilities were crippled.

[Lance's very first, initial gut reaction is an uncharacteristically cold one; he wants to say he can't help with that, to just deal with it and grow up, and that as much as Lance does care about Rosen he still has very little sympathy for his inability to parent. That's something he should've dealt with before he had a kid, and before he tried dealing with other children.

But that's a reaction that's neither helpful to Rosen or to himself, and it's one that comes from emotions he doesn't care to encourage. So although he has to focus his gaze on the distance where they're walking instead of continuing with eye contact, his tone and words are measured and supportive.]

Don't discount how important it is just to know that someone cares. You may have done more for them than you realize.

That's not what I meant.

[Rosen goes back to staring in ahead]

There are things I know. That I was a safe refuge for Frisk. That they trusted and cared for me. That they entrusted me with their thoughts, their feelings, and with the care of their friends. As a friend. I was friend to them and them to myself. But that is not the kind of help I am talking about.

[He sighs, almost sounding angry but he's feeling torn. There are things he wishes he could tell lance. The discussion with Sans, the discussion with Frisk. The world of the Underground and the hellish timelines that skipped and scratched like old records. There was so much MORE that Frisk had needed than someone who cared ]

Just...Nevermind. I made them both a promise. I can't speak any more on it.

[It leaves a bad taste in his mouth holding it back, but he made the promise, and if Sans and Frisk should ever reappear, he didn't want it to be to betrayed friendships and broken promises]

[Lance is quiet, listening, trying to put together pieces and figure out what exactly Rosen is talking about, but having only spoken to Sans a few times and none at all to Frisk, there's only so much context he really has. When Rosen adds that he promised not to say anything more, Lance both understands--he knows things about people here that he can't say, for various reasons--and, guiltily, feels a little relieved to be able to drop the topic.

So he nods but doesn't respond, letting silence fall for now as he takes the time to sort out his thoughts and refocus on the point of this whole outing.]

You need a project.

[He finally declares this with great certainty, glancing over at Rosen.]

It's important to have something to focus on and accomplish.

[And getting to actually doing things again is one of the best ways to begin moving past a whole lot of different kinds of problems.]

[A project.]

Mn.

[For a long while he leaves it there. Just a sound in his throat before finally he nods slowly]

That is...possible.

[Though easier said than done.]

Yes. Yes I think you're right.

Do you have any ideas?

[He doubts it, but the question is more to get Rosen to start thinking about it. Though maybe he has an idea from some time ago that he just hasn't gotten to?]

i don't.

[He shakes his head as he says it before stopping midstep]

But Sans' letter might be a good place to start. In it he, um, he told me to look out for the kids. Maybe that could be something.

[Lance stops as well, eyebrows furrowing slightly in a question of why Rosen had done so, offering a noncommittal shrug at the idea.]

It could be. Why did you stop?

[Rosen doesn't look at him]

I want to ask you something and I wanted to make sure there wasn't anyone else around when I asked as its personal

[So he didn't want to risk walking past an open window or a fellow cave dweller]

About the things that happened when we all believed we had different lives.

[I.e. being married to Regis]

[Ah. Okay, he's definitely curious now, especially after their earlier conversation on the topic, and nods in understanding.]

Alright.

Well as I told you before I was married to Regis. Happily so, according to the illusion.

[Lee rolls his shoulders back, looking uncomfortable]

We had a nice home, careers, a family...

[It was all in all idyllic]

I've always known that I am attracted to..well to both [He can't believe he's talking to Lance about his sex life but alas there it is] ...so its not that. Its not that Regis is a man and that I am a man. I just don't understand why I am so incapable of achieving that kind of stable loving relationship outside of a Gods' illusion.

[If this weren't a serious situation in which Lance is supposed to be being at least semi-professional, this would be a perfect time for teasing about the awkwardness of how Rosen puts things; but, as it is, Lance just nods seriously and passes over it to focus on the main issue.]

I'm not sure putting it that way is exactly right; I very much doubt you're incapable of maintaining a relationship. However, there is probably a particular thing, or perhaps several particular things, that is making it difficult for you and simply wasn't an issue in that other setting.

[When there's a pattern it's usually for a reason, and Lance knows from his own experience in the event as well as speaking with others that some of the more serious things in individual's histories, and the resulting issues from them, were glossed over.]

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