lifetothefullest | [IC Inbox]

[He's quiet for a moment. A long one.]

Yeah. But that doesn't change what I did.

[Lance isn't sure he likes the length of time that answer takes, but at least the answer itself is a good one.]

It doesn't, but it still matters.

[But he's not going to go more into this topic until he's sure Ephemera's said everything else he intended to in this conversation.]

[Ephemera isn't sure he believes that. What has being sorry ever accomplished? But part of him really wants to. No matter how selfish it might be. He shivers. Lifts his head to watch Sweets.

More than anything, Ephemera looks tired then.]

Been thinking. 'bout what I do when this is over. I wanna go back to Chorus. They're still standing. Maybe I could help them rebuild.

[He grimaces.]

Or maybe they execute me outright. But. I thought, maybe it would matter. If I did something good for once.

[That's an interesting idea, although Lance is really not sure what to say; he doesn't normally have this problem, but this is kind of more than he was expecting to need to process at the moment.]

Okay. Yeah, I think it would be worth a try; I'm not going to discourage the idea of trying to do something worthwhile.

[It doesn't, of course, make up for everything, but it's something.]

[Ephemera runs a hand through his hair.]

.....I just threw a lot at you, huh?

It's okay, I just need a moment to put it all together. I'm a little rusty right now.

[It's... Sort of a joke, mostly because he doesn't want Ephemera to feel guilty or anything.]

Was that what you wanted to speak about, or is there more?

[Because he isn't totally sure if this is lead up to something else or the main issue, and that matters for how he handles it.]

[Ephemera winces a little.]

No. That was it. We can just throw knives now, if you want.

[Lance tries to refrain from wincing himself, because great going, he's already messed this up.]

No, it's fine, I just wanted to be sure of what we're talking about.

[Okay. Take a breath, sort everything out, and start at the beginning.]

The entire situation sounds confusing and chaotic, and it was likely purposefully so, from what you told me about those causing it. But although that doesn't absolve you of your actions, it does mitigate them; you didn't know exactly who you were fighting, even though you shouldn't have allowed your desire for revenge to be more important than making sure.

[He's trying to be as balanced and objective as he can be here.]

If the main question, out of all of this, is about whether trying to help rebuild and atone in a way for your actions, I think it's a good idea. More than that, it's an appropriate one.

[Yeah. Nothing quite wipes the slate clean. Ephemera exhales slowly.]

That something people do, in your world?

Think I've been a solider too long. Everything I do, I see it like that.

Which part, rebuilding?

[As for the last comments--]

That's normal, to an extent. Military environments are unfortunately very focused on suppressing individuality, and so regaining it can be difficult for some people even after their military service is over.

I know people do that. I meant the other part. Trying to fix what they did.

[He shrugs.]

I guess. Everything I was, I made it that way with my squad. With CT and the others. And I've got people now, but it's not the same. Have to be myself. Just myself.

That depends on the person.

[Unfortunately, some don't seem to feel guilt. He offers a small shrug as well at Ephemera's next words.]

That may not be as difficult as you think; you seem to be most of the way there already.

Hnn. Maybe. I'm not who I was.

[He thinks that's a good thing, mostly.]

Thanks. For hearing me out. Helps.

[He smiles a little at that, tentatively hoping that maybe this didn't take as bad a turn as he thought.]

You're welcome; I'm glad I can help. You're doing really well, just keep reminding yourself of the end goal.

[Of being a better person.]

[It feels complicated more than anything. But it could be worse, Ephemera thinks. He could still be angry all the time and he's not. He gives Sweets a little smile.]

You still wanna try throwing knives?

I'm a little concerned I used up all my luck in the first throw and everything else won't live up to it.

[He's not serious, of course.]

Never know if you don't try.

[Ephemera picks up a knife, tossing it up into the air and then snatching it. He eyes the target.]

I used to be able to do this.....

[He takes a breath, relaxing his shoulders. Draws a k-bar from his belt and throws. Then he throws the smaller knife.

It impacts right into the hilt of the larger blade.

Ephemera laughs, delighted.]

Fuck, yeah!

[Lance watches curiously as Ephemera starts winding up for some sort of trick, and it's definitely an impressive one. But he's more interested in that it seems to make Ephemera really happy, and Lance can't help but smile a little himself.]

Nice job.

[It landed! Ephemera covers his grin with his hand.]

Wasn't sure I could do it. Pretty awesome, right? You can do stuff like this if you practice a lot.

It is pretty cool.

[But as cool as it is--]

I think it would take a lot of practice, for me.

[As in more practice than he's willing to put in, although it's neat to see other people do it. But most of his focus here goes into just getting through the day, and then also on working on magic. He definitely wants to be good at that.]

[Ephemera tips his head to the side. There's something there, under the words, though he's not quite sure that he understands it.]

Everything takes practice. You wanna try again?

[Lance shrugs a little but nods, picking up one of the knives. Might as well throw it a few times, even if he's probably clearly not that into it; it's cool and kind of fun, but also a little frustrating considering he's not great at it. He doesn't even try throwing with his off hand again though, trying his dominant hand instead, and although it does stick in the wall it's still off target.]

At least it stuck, I guess.

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