Dr. Lance Sweets (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lifetothefullest) wrote2017-04-10 08:48 pm
lifetothefullest) wrote2017-04-10 08:48 pm
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no subject
That's a difficult question.
[And one Lance isn't sure he can give a good answer on, honestly. Despite having known Rosen the entire time he's been here, that hasn't been all that long overall, not even a year. Not to mention their relationship has had its ups and downs, to say the least, and it's difficult to accurately gauge something like this.]
I'm not sure I can give you an answer, at least not in general terms. Is there a specific aspect or thing about yourself you've been trying to improve?
[Because he might be able to give a better answer on a specific thing, but overall is too broad with not nearly enough time to really say.]
no subject
Well there are many things but that is sort of the point.
[Lee sighs, leaning back in his chair]
I feel I've made steps, at least in the ability to self-reflect. Mind you I'm not trying to pat myself on the back or say I've completed any introspective journeys, but I feel I'm finally beginning to move. Or at least move away from certain habits, behaviors... but each time I take a step I see more of what is behind me and the more I see the more I begin to recognize concerning aspects of my behavior that stretch far back into my life before this place.
[A hand comes up to rub at the back of his neck as he feels that dull thudding of anxiety pressing at the base of his skull again]
And that is what is troubling me. Being able to see myself as I am back in New York like some insect preserved in amber who will be reanimated once I am returned home. And anything I've learned here. Anything I now wish I could change about my behavior going forward, any tools I've gained here that could benefit me back home...will be gone. I will be as I was when I first came here. AndI will likely continue to make all the mistakes that I have been making. Or worse.
What do you do with that?
[He chews at his lip before turning to look more directly at Lance]
I'm sorry. I know talking about these things with you is unfair. [After all Lance won't be going home...not really] ...I just... you almost always have a perspective that I don't. But if you'd rather not talk about this I understand.
no subject
He shakes his head a little at the last part; sure, this something Lance doesn't have the reason--or luxury?--to worry about, but that isn't going to change whether or not they have this conversation. It also doesn't make it less of an issue for Rosen to have to deal with, so Lance isn't bothered enough by the entire thing for it to outweigh the benefits of trying to help.]
It's fine.
[And that said, he refocuses on the actual topic.]
I wish I could give you an actual answer, about your concerns, but I can't, at least not as far as giving you any sort of idea of what to do about potentially returning home and losing what you've learned here.
[However, that said--]
But I can tell you that, as important as the future might be, now is just as important. It isn't a waste, in any way, to continue improving yourself here, because whether or not it will last your time here is just as valuable as your time at home.
[Lance, of course, has a particular reason to be very aware of that.]
And not only that but... Anything you accomplish here is something within you, that you could learn again. So maybe you will return, eventually, to the person you were at the time you came here, but that doesn't mean you'll remain that way.