lifetothefullest | [IC Inbox]

( That makes sense. It isn't just following your passion, a job like that. It's a responsibility that weighs heavy on your shoulders.

But wrong tense, Lance.

Kate gestures around at the clinic in response. This is what she does, except the clinics back home are better equipped and properly designed for healing. Her brow raises as she takes a sip of the drink. It's no mystery, even to Kate, where this specific reaction came from, though, and she exhales, placing her glass on the desk, folding her hands in her lap. )

Used to - ( fittingly, perhaps, for their last topic of conversation ) - be a field agent for supernatural law enforcement.

( Yes, you can practically hear the airquotes around law enforcement. That wasn't exactly the story when she worked there. )

[Ah, well, it turns out for the best; now he gets to know what she does now, what she did before, and that she chose to make the change. The idea of supernatural law enforcement isn't too weird--implied airquotes aside--because he's heard about the same thing from Harlan, and it only makes sense that places with magic or supernatural abilities would have special police.

He decides not to ask directly about her previous job, but instead--]

Why the change?

Why not?

( The non-answer is automatic, almost defensive in its tone. Truth is, there's so many reasons for the change that explaining would take ages. She settles for the one reason that she's given before, why she chose this line of work over anything else. )

Wanted to do summat constructive.

That makes sense.

[He went into psychology because he wanted to do something to be useful and help people, and being an agent is not exactly much of a departure from that; he wonders why she might not have considered her previous line of work to be.

But all of this is enough to lead back a little onto the main topic.]

Was your last job very stressful?

[If it's anything like his, he presumes so, but he supposes she could work at a desk. He doubts it, but eh.]

( Judging by the snort she lets out before taking another drink- )

Aye.

( The clinic here has more than enough stressors, but she'd still rather deal with it in all its patchworkiness during a disaster than return to that. )

[Alright, yeah, no shock.]

Was it also one of those jobs where if you made a mistake, there were serious consequences?

[Again, he presumes so, but just making sure. This also serves the purpose of laying out the explanation for what will likely be his final conclusion on the original issue she brought up.]

( Well.

That actually catches her off guard, because for all the things she thinks about when The Agency floats back to her mind, the consequences of mistakes are rarely among the top priorities. The mistakes of moral, yes. The terror of a cave in-

That's one kind of consequence, she supposes.

Rosenberg's bitching at them would be another. Her punishments and sadism, yes. )

Guess so.

( Dungeon Duty was hell. )

[He watches her reaction, trying to get more a sense for her response than was given by the actual words she said, but even that is enough. Lance is quiet a few moments.]

Competitiveness is often thought to be related to pride and ego, in that someone wants to win to make themselves feel capable or important, or to gain admiration. And for some people, this is the motivator.

[Again he pauses briefly, deciding how to word the rest in a way that will say enough but not too much, and not come across in a way that might make her feed defensive.]

But it can also be something that comes out of a fear of the consequences for losing, or even just not being the very best. People who have jobs-or are or have been in other life situations--that require being the best in some way, particularly if their well-being is involved, tend to have that sort of competitiveness ingrained in them as a survival mechanism. That can make it extremely difficult to control, even in a situation that has no real consequences for losing.

[And, the main point being--]

If that's enhanced or amplified by an outside influence, like happened in the event, then it's not unexpected or abnormal that it might spiral out of control.

( She's quiet through the explanation, the sense that's being said accepted with a wordless nod of the head. Sure. That... could explain it.

But, more to the point - )

How do I fix it, then?

( It's a shitty feeling to realise that you went through the days of the competition seeing people as little more than moving target signs. That same coldness that let her kill Faith's double after Faith herself had been murdered. )

[He hesitates at the question; although he's glad she didn't react poorly to his explanation, he's not entirely sure how to actually answer what she asked.]

Normally, I would tell have some suggestions. But considering the event involved an external influence, rather than being truly a part of your own mind and mental state, it's a lot less clear.

[He doesn't want to say that there's nothing they can do, because he doesn't think that's true. But he does know that this is a very different situation than he's used to, and it isn't as simple--not that it's particularly simple, and certainly not as much as some people might thing--as just controlling your own reactions.

And, aside from all of that, there's another problem in trying to give her advice on this subject.]

I was also affected very strongly by the event, so I'm not sure I'm the best person to ask.

( It takes a lot more than that to make her react badly. She's old enough to accept that she came here for answers, and even if that isn't what Kate wanted, necessarily - she wanted something simple, a nice practical fix that would get her away from this mindset, just in case shit happens again - she can deal with the lack of solution.

After all, it's no different from staring at powers until she eventually says that she has on idea exactly what to do right now.

That's happened, so why shouldn't this?

She exhales and leans back in the chair, looking up at the ceiling for a moment. )

Think that makes you better for it.

( She eventually says. )

Y'know what it feels like.

( If not the actual way she experienced it, at least what it's like to get the full brunt of a gods' influence. )

[Lance is just used to far less maturity, especially in this place; telling people what they might not like to hear usually doesn't prompt anything more than some aggressive comment back home, but here it's been actually dangerous. Therefore he greatly appreciates the response she actually gives, even if he's not sure he agrees with her conclusion.

But he's quiet several seconds, considering it, before finally responding.]

I think than, in an event, it will mostly come down to whether you--or anyone else--is able to truly realize they're being affected.

[But that factor aside--]

However, practicing some methods of controlling your competitiveness outside of an event might help, especially if you are able to recognize and try to fight the compulsion.

... You can do that?

( The idea's a little surprising, because Kate's always considered it as much a permanent thing as anything can be. Just a fact of her personality, like Faith's is characterised by the ever-present optimism, or Alicia and her steel rod of quiet ambition. )

To an extent, yes. It's similar to managing an emotional issue, or something like an anxiety disorder; some techniques can help lessen the effects, and allow you to control them rather than the other way around. The underlying cause can also be treated if necessary, but that would probably be impractical here, at least in the short term.

[It's definitely a personality trait, but the more detrimental manifestations of it can still be toned down even if it's often a bit of a struggle to do so. Lance definitely knows that from experience.]

( It honestly never occurred to her that such things work, and Kate's quiet, finishing her drink rather than speaking. )

So, what, 's like physio for me brain?

( ....... Kate. )

[Lance gives a small smile and an exhale that might almost be a laugh.]

That's one way to put it, sure. It's the same in that it'll probably take a lot of repetition and patience before you'll see any results, but it'll be worth it.

( It sounds annoying, to the instinctive, immature part of herself. The part that likes to say everything is fine and ignore the bigger issues.

But that response isn't normal. And god only knows that she's used to spending hours on things that seem a toil. It's how she even came to this career path in the first place. )

...Won't be th' first time.

( Pains in the arse are part of life, especially here. )

[At least she's not alone; he tends to feel the same way.]

Most of the methods and tricks are pretty simple, at least, although they're easier said than done.

[And, to illustrate that point--]

The most useful one is to recognize when you're feeling competitive, take a moment to figure out why, and then also determine what the realistic worst case scenario is for if you don't end up being the best. This makes you stop and break the pattern, provided you can both remember to do so and force yourself to actually do it.

( Well, it's a good job that Sweets says that before Kate snarks it. Instead, she pours a bit more into her glass and drains it, eyes closed, eventually nodding, as though satisfied. )

Guess that's all I had to ask.

( I mean, her other issues could be broached but you'd be here all year. )

Were helpful... Thanks. Feel free t' keep the rest of that. ( She gestures to the bottle as she begins to shift from her seat. )

Edited (Finish your tags before you hit post, nic...) 2017-10-31 19:36 (UTC)

[Right, he'd sort of forgotten about his own drink, which is pretty normal when he gets focused; he's not about to turn down the bottle, though, because he'll definitely be willing to drink it later. So he nods, still a little concerned about her, but they've gone over a lot for one conversation.]

Thank you. You're welcome to talk to or message me at any time if you need anything else in the future.

[Whether about this, or something else.]

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