lifetothefullest | [IC Inbox]

[Talking about serious things, especially those that involve being vulnerable, is always difficult and stressful. Lance definitely understands that, not just from being a psychologist but from attending counseling as a patient himself. But it can definitely be made more stressful than it actually needs to be if it's handled improperly, and although not always successful Lance does try to make things as easy as possible.

Her answer is one that he actually knows something about himself, which he wasn't expecting, although more the former part of it than the latter.]

That's pretty awesome. I wasn't great or anything, but I competed a little in track while I was in college. Not sprints, though.

[Sprints are painful. He was much better at endurance events.]

Still run?

( Her brows raise slightly. Competing does mean something, even if you don't think you're all that great, and that's enough to distract her completely. Nowadays her endurance is much better, but it's that initial burst of speed that's always felt the best and most freeing. Maintaining is duller, more of an ache. )

[He nods, allowing the distraction to continue a little more for now, although he hasn't forgotten the point of the conversation.]

Yeah. I did as a part of my job, and I'm getting back into it here.

[After kind of a forced vacation from the activity due to a ton of broken bones, but now that he's had some magical healing he mostly just needs to get back into practice.]

... As a shrink?

( Excuse her, Sweets. That's just... a little hard to swallow. No offence, but she expects a shrink to be not all that active, really.

But magical healing is very helpful like that, it's true. )

[Oh, right, he didn't explain any background for that.]

Oh, no, I meant one of my other jobs.

[He has too many it's bad.]

I'm also an FBI agent. Does the FBI exist where you're from?

[Because if not that explanation isn't actually going to help.]

( Oh you're one of those. As though Kate hasn't been doing all of a thousand different responsibilities for so long.

She blinks and nods, but- )

Government agency?

( Just because the FBI exists doesn't mean it's the same FBI, right? )

[He nods in confirmation.]

Yes. I work in the major crimes division, so mostly in handling murder cases. The psychologist thing led to doing criminal profiling which led to being an agent.

( That's one heck of a career path, but it makes more sense than her own and Kate knows it, so she says nothing. Instead- )

You enjoy it?

( It's a hell of a change, true, but isn't that the most important part. )

[Well, that's a question he isn't often asked, and it's one that, if he's honest, he isn't sure how to answer.

So he takes another drink, giving himself a moment to think about it, before giving an honest but reserved answer.]

I enjoy it when things go right.

[And, often, they do. But when they don't, the consequences are much more serious than in a lot of careers.

But this conversation is not about him, and this entire line of discussion gives him an opening to ask a question related to the one he really wants to get to.]

What do you do, back in your world?

( That makes sense. It isn't just following your passion, a job like that. It's a responsibility that weighs heavy on your shoulders.

But wrong tense, Lance.

Kate gestures around at the clinic in response. This is what she does, except the clinics back home are better equipped and properly designed for healing. Her brow raises as she takes a sip of the drink. It's no mystery, even to Kate, where this specific reaction came from, though, and she exhales, placing her glass on the desk, folding her hands in her lap. )

Used to - ( fittingly, perhaps, for their last topic of conversation ) - be a field agent for supernatural law enforcement.

( Yes, you can practically hear the airquotes around law enforcement. That wasn't exactly the story when she worked there. )

[Ah, well, it turns out for the best; now he gets to know what she does now, what she did before, and that she chose to make the change. The idea of supernatural law enforcement isn't too weird--implied airquotes aside--because he's heard about the same thing from Harlan, and it only makes sense that places with magic or supernatural abilities would have special police.

He decides not to ask directly about her previous job, but instead--]

Why the change?

Why not?

( The non-answer is automatic, almost defensive in its tone. Truth is, there's so many reasons for the change that explaining would take ages. She settles for the one reason that she's given before, why she chose this line of work over anything else. )

Wanted to do summat constructive.

That makes sense.

[He went into psychology because he wanted to do something to be useful and help people, and being an agent is not exactly much of a departure from that; he wonders why she might not have considered her previous line of work to be.

But all of this is enough to lead back a little onto the main topic.]

Was your last job very stressful?

[If it's anything like his, he presumes so, but he supposes she could work at a desk. He doubts it, but eh.]

( Judging by the snort she lets out before taking another drink- )

Aye.

( The clinic here has more than enough stressors, but she'd still rather deal with it in all its patchworkiness during a disaster than return to that. )

[Alright, yeah, no shock.]

Was it also one of those jobs where if you made a mistake, there were serious consequences?

[Again, he presumes so, but just making sure. This also serves the purpose of laying out the explanation for what will likely be his final conclusion on the original issue she brought up.]

( Well.

That actually catches her off guard, because for all the things she thinks about when The Agency floats back to her mind, the consequences of mistakes are rarely among the top priorities. The mistakes of moral, yes. The terror of a cave in-

That's one kind of consequence, she supposes.

Rosenberg's bitching at them would be another. Her punishments and sadism, yes. )

Guess so.

( Dungeon Duty was hell. )

[He watches her reaction, trying to get more a sense for her response than was given by the actual words she said, but even that is enough. Lance is quiet a few moments.]

Competitiveness is often thought to be related to pride and ego, in that someone wants to win to make themselves feel capable or important, or to gain admiration. And for some people, this is the motivator.

[Again he pauses briefly, deciding how to word the rest in a way that will say enough but not too much, and not come across in a way that might make her feed defensive.]

But it can also be something that comes out of a fear of the consequences for losing, or even just not being the very best. People who have jobs-or are or have been in other life situations--that require being the best in some way, particularly if their well-being is involved, tend to have that sort of competitiveness ingrained in them as a survival mechanism. That can make it extremely difficult to control, even in a situation that has no real consequences for losing.

[And, the main point being--]

If that's enhanced or amplified by an outside influence, like happened in the event, then it's not unexpected or abnormal that it might spiral out of control.

( She's quiet through the explanation, the sense that's being said accepted with a wordless nod of the head. Sure. That... could explain it.

But, more to the point - )

How do I fix it, then?

( It's a shitty feeling to realise that you went through the days of the competition seeing people as little more than moving target signs. That same coldness that let her kill Faith's double after Faith herself had been murdered. )

[He hesitates at the question; although he's glad she didn't react poorly to his explanation, he's not entirely sure how to actually answer what she asked.]

Normally, I would tell have some suggestions. But considering the event involved an external influence, rather than being truly a part of your own mind and mental state, it's a lot less clear.

[He doesn't want to say that there's nothing they can do, because he doesn't think that's true. But he does know that this is a very different situation than he's used to, and it isn't as simple--not that it's particularly simple, and certainly not as much as some people might thing--as just controlling your own reactions.

And, aside from all of that, there's another problem in trying to give her advice on this subject.]

I was also affected very strongly by the event, so I'm not sure I'm the best person to ask.

( It takes a lot more than that to make her react badly. She's old enough to accept that she came here for answers, and even if that isn't what Kate wanted, necessarily - she wanted something simple, a nice practical fix that would get her away from this mindset, just in case shit happens again - she can deal with the lack of solution.

After all, it's no different from staring at powers until she eventually says that she has on idea exactly what to do right now.

That's happened, so why shouldn't this?

She exhales and leans back in the chair, looking up at the ceiling for a moment. )

Think that makes you better for it.

( She eventually says. )

Y'know what it feels like.

( If not the actual way she experienced it, at least what it's like to get the full brunt of a gods' influence. )

[Lance is just used to far less maturity, especially in this place; telling people what they might not like to hear usually doesn't prompt anything more than some aggressive comment back home, but here it's been actually dangerous. Therefore he greatly appreciates the response she actually gives, even if he's not sure he agrees with her conclusion.

But he's quiet several seconds, considering it, before finally responding.]

I think than, in an event, it will mostly come down to whether you--or anyone else--is able to truly realize they're being affected.

[But that factor aside--]

However, practicing some methods of controlling your competitiveness outside of an event might help, especially if you are able to recognize and try to fight the compulsion.

... You can do that?

( The idea's a little surprising, because Kate's always considered it as much a permanent thing as anything can be. Just a fact of her personality, like Faith's is characterised by the ever-present optimism, or Alicia and her steel rod of quiet ambition. )

To an extent, yes. It's similar to managing an emotional issue, or something like an anxiety disorder; some techniques can help lessen the effects, and allow you to control them rather than the other way around. The underlying cause can also be treated if necessary, but that would probably be impractical here, at least in the short term.

[It's definitely a personality trait, but the more detrimental manifestations of it can still be toned down even if it's often a bit of a struggle to do so. Lance definitely knows that from experience.]

( It honestly never occurred to her that such things work, and Kate's quiet, finishing her drink rather than speaking. )

So, what, 's like physio for me brain?

( ....... Kate. )

[Lance gives a small smile and an exhale that might almost be a laugh.]

That's one way to put it, sure. It's the same in that it'll probably take a lot of repetition and patience before you'll see any results, but it'll be worth it.

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