I don't think 'miss it' is the right way to say it. It's just that, um, in that version of things I hadn't made the mistakes I had-er-have in this one.

[His fingers fiddle uncomfortably with the seam of his pocket]

I was married, it was a happy relationship. [He quickly amends that statement] that is, according to the illusion, of course. And I helped people. I wasn't--

[Selfish. Isolated.]

--you know. [Me.]