[Rosen wouldn't have stood for Lance disagreeing with that statement anyway. Yes, it hurts to finally say it aloud, but he's a 60 yr old man and what seeds he sowed in his younger years must bare what fruit they will. And he must face that. Its time]
I asked her to show me [He holds up a hand to vaguely demonstrate what he means] To show me what it felt like when an empath absorbs sorrow or anguish. She's such a kind girl that even after everything she still didn't want me to know what that kind of hurt felt like. She still wanted to protect me. But I needed to know... in the end we both needed for me to know. To understand. Its so raw. It goes straight to your nerves. You feel sick. You feel like your core is coming undone. Like the very threads of your being are unraveling from the pain.
[He shakes his head sadly]
And that was just a very small taste. I can never forgive myself for what I did. Even if she somehow finds a way to, I can't. At the time I somehow convinced myself it was for the good of the family, if I could just save the family it would be best for everyone.
But that was fucking bullshit. I was only protective myself.
[Sighing he lifts his mug to his lips, throat parched from the crying, and when he lowers it again he looks at Lance dead on]
So if you hate me now that you know this. I understand. [It is said without self-pity. Instead it is almost said like a suggestion]
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2017-05-22 11:53 pm (UTC)I asked her to show me [He holds up a hand to vaguely demonstrate what he means] To show me what it felt like when an empath absorbs sorrow or anguish. She's such a kind girl that even after everything she still didn't want me to know what that kind of hurt felt like. She still wanted to protect me. But I needed to know... in the end we both needed for me to know. To understand. Its so raw. It goes straight to your nerves. You feel sick. You feel like your core is coming undone. Like the very threads of your being are unraveling from the pain.
[He shakes his head sadly]
And that was just a very small taste. I can never forgive myself for what I did. Even if she somehow finds a way to, I can't. At the time I somehow convinced myself it was for the good of the family, if I could just save the family it would be best for everyone.
But that was fucking bullshit. I was only protective myself.
[Sighing he lifts his mug to his lips, throat parched from the crying, and when he lowers it again he looks at Lance dead on]
So if you hate me now that you know this. I understand. [It is said without self-pity. Instead it is almost said like a suggestion]