[Ephemera didn't think much about himself when he was in prison, or after CT died. There hadn't been much of a point. It made things complicated when he needed that singular focus, the clarity of having a single task to complete. What he needed was to endure, get through each day focused on his goal. Sometimes he'd lose bits of time but he always came back when he needed to. What he did either got him closer to that goal or kept him alive so he could make another go at it. Sharkface hadn't been a person at all, but that name had been armor in its own way.
It kept him alive. Focused.
Then he came to Hadriel. Decided to let it go for a little while. Then to drop it entirely.
Sometimes, Ephemera wonders if he regrets that. There are moments where he does. Moments where he doesn't. He thinks about Drake and Lup, and what he has with them. Their friendship. If he keeps fucking up like this, he'll lose them. Maybe hurt them, too.
He doesn't want that. And beyond the revenge mission CT passed onto him, Ephemera hasn't wanted anything for himself for years.
So he'll try.
He watches Sweets quietly, running a hand through his hair. He can feel a headache coming on and his ribs hurt. Nothing about this moment is pleasant. But it is necessary, he thinks. So he'll hold.]
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2017-11-02 07:32 pm (UTC)It kept him alive. Focused.
Then he came to Hadriel. Decided to let it go for a little while. Then to drop it entirely.
Sometimes, Ephemera wonders if he regrets that. There are moments where he does. Moments where he doesn't. He thinks about Drake and Lup, and what he has with them. Their friendship. If he keeps fucking up like this, he'll lose them. Maybe hurt them, too.
He doesn't want that. And beyond the revenge mission CT passed onto him, Ephemera hasn't wanted anything for himself for years.
So he'll try.
He watches Sweets quietly, running a hand through his hair. He can feel a headache coming on and his ribs hurt. Nothing about this moment is pleasant. But it is necessary, he thinks. So he'll hold.]
Okay.